No, I'm not pregnant. Sorry to disappoint. And, just so there is no confusion... We are not trying to get pregnant any time in the very near future. There. Now...
Allow me to summarize the last few years/months of my mind recently. (At least related to this particular topic; trying to summarize my mind in general would be impossible.)
"I want to have FIVE kids. I will settle for four but not a single one less than that. Whatever it takes. I also want to be a young mom - one that looks cute at Back to School night and her kids' friends think she is 'cool.' I also want my kids to be closer together in age. Sure, it will be hard to have five kids under ten; but, it will just be a crazy season of my life. I will survive it, and it will all be over at once; plus, my kids will be best friends and will be SO thankful when they are older that I selflessly 'popped' them out one after the other. We'll handle college costs when that time comes. We will not think about things like that right now."
"I do not want to be pregnant again for a VERY long time. [Given the above convictions], I will allow myself ONE year to 'recover' before starting this cycle again."
With a one-month old:
"I think I'll be fine with just one baby. Maybe I'll adopt when Sam is 30."
With a six-month old:
"Ok, this has gotten a little easier. I think I can handle two (or maybe three) kids; but, a year is NOT a 'very long time.' Sam really needs all of my attention right now; and, I still have A LOT of weight to lose before I want to gain 40 pounds again. Three or four years between kids seems reasonable. How old will that make me for baby 3?"
With a one-year old:
"Oh gosh... WHAT is going on with me?!?! I kind-of miss the teeny-tiny baby stage. Sam is SO fun; but, he is just getting WAY too big. He will make SUCH a good big brother, and he would LOVE having a playmate. I kind-of want to decorate a nursery again. We have all this really cute baby stuff that we barely got to use. Plus, I think I'm finally 'getting' this mom thing a little bit. I mean, I'm still a hot mess; but, I'm starting to be ok with that. I'll be so much better the second time around. Oh gosh..."
"I still have A LOT of weight to lose."
Ha! In all seriousness, something has come over me recently. For probably the first nine or ten months after Sam was born, I lived in constant fear of seeing a little pink line on a pregnancy test. (I'm sorry if that sounds awful, it is just the truth of where I was.) But, as time passes, the idea is (strangely) seeming a lot less daunting and a lot more wonderful again. A woman's ability to forget is perhaps her best and worst quality simultaneously, isn't it?
Although I'm totally confident in our decision to wait a little longer before growing our family again; I'm starting to 'get it.' I think I understand now why two years is such a common span between babies. (That is how much time is between my sister and me, Jeff and his brother, and several of my friends have recently added baby #2 around the 2-year mark.) At one year, you don't feel like you have baby anymore. Plus - with breastfeeding over and the return of other things, hormones are starting to send really crazy mommy-vibes to the brain again - the same ones that made me a crazy person approximately two years previously. Seriously, if you had told me even three months ago that I would have ever considered getting pregnant again so soon; I would have thrown something at you. Now, I just get it.
Don't get me wrong, I still think Sam needs a lot of my attention. And, I'm not exactly missing sleepless nights or looking forward to five more years of changing diapers; but, maybe a big family is still in the cards. Maybe not. I guess only time will tell...
|(Source) Adorable photo, but... WOW. Now this, I cannot imagine!|
Can you all relate to this sort-of evolution of thought? How much time do you want between kids? How much space did you put between the ones you already have? What do you think is the ideal distance?
Just feeling curious and maybe a little (baby) feverish today.