A new job. A new baby. What a difference a year makes! (First Day of School 2010.)
First Day of "School" 2011: (although I guess, technically, on the first day of school I was at home in my pjs with a five week old)
Yesterday, I joined the ranks of the millions of working moms out there... Armed with SIX bags (one entirely devoted to my boobs - no lie) and strong coffee, I was out the door at 7:45AM to take Sam to the babysitter and be at work by 8. Eight hours, a (semi) organized office, lots of welcomes, and only one minor pumping incident (sorry Kathryn, I'll get your shirt dry cleaned) later - we both survived. And, honestly, it was a good day.
A lot of people asked me how I felt about going back to work. How do you answer that really? It was/is bittersweet. On the one hand, I have LOVED being home with Sam - especially these last four weeks or so. I feel like I'm finally "getting the hang of things" and Sam is at such a fun stage full of smiles and coos. OF COURSE I am sad to leave him. I'm already realizing how fast these baby days go, and I hate the idea of missing even one moment of them.
BUT, I also really like my job. Being back there, I immediately remembered why I like it so much - there is an energy about being in a school that just really can't be beat. All day yesterday (and today), I had people (colleagues and students) stopping by my new little office to say hello, see pictures of my boy, and catch up. I felt, strangely, at home there too.
I don't know many moms my age that are also working right now. That has been hard for me. Yes, sometimes I feel guilty or question if I'm making the best decision for Sam. Sometimes I cry thinking about someone else possibly seeing his first steps or knowing his favorite games before me. Sometimes I long to be in play-groups and mom Bible studies (why are those always during the work day?) But, I think going back to work would be a totally different story if it wasn't about my heart too. It really is more than just a job to me. I think God called me to be a wife, and a mother, AND a teacher (or, in this case, a testing coordinator). I don't think God made a mistake when he put those three things in my heart; and I truly believe that each one makes me better at the others.
Maybe having the best of both worlds is possible - at least on good days. Sam is happy. I am happy and oh so grateful. Life is good.
*Continued prayers for this transition are so appreciated. I know I still have a long way to go and LOTS to learn - like how to not have a pig sty for a house, for starters. And THANK YOU to those real life friends who have been so wonderful with calls, texts, emails, and meals... You have been such a blessing!
I'm a working mama and we're probably the same age, girl! It can be hard but I have to tell you something that gets me through the tough days ... I think of how wonderful it is that N gets to socialize with other kids, spread her wings at the little home daycare she attends, and she LOVES it. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you during this transitional time! *hugs*
Did I write this...? Because literally you took my every thought right out of my mind. I, like you, am a new mom back to work as a teacher and feel the exact same way. Some days are really hard but I also feel like teaching is a part of me and how God intended for me to share His light with others. AND I can't stand that all of the women's Bible studies at my church are on Tuesday mornings. Boo to that. Thanks for sharing these words. It's a crazy transition but it quickly becomes your new normal. Way to go Momma.
ReplyDeleteYou look so cute, girl! And, way to go, getting out of the door by 7:45 with all that! :) I think when we have kids i will have to work. I kind of say that with sadness, because i don't love my job. And i actually regret not becoming a teacher. Oh-well. I agree that God has callings of all kinds for women! Teaching is an awesome profession!
ReplyDeleteOh the Mommy guilt. It still happens somedays for me too. But I LOVE how smart Kane is and that is because of all the socalizing he's doing with the big kids at his daycare. Plus when he sees me come around the corner to pick him up at mom's and yells "MOMMY!!" and I get a huge hug, all that mommy guilt seems to fade away. I soak up every minute with my little man as I'm sure you do with Sam :)
ReplyDeleteI am a working mom, too, and it is a difficult balance, but I feel like I am making the right choice, too. Your attitude is great! I hope you had a great first day back! My Landon loves daycare and his teachers so that makes things SO MUCH EASIER for me. It makes me feel good when I drop him off in the mornings and he is happy to see his teacher. Take good care!
ReplyDeleteE - You look SO beautiful! Can't wait to see y'all next weekend at Oktoberfest :)
ReplyDeleteWill definitely be praying for you guys! I can only imagine that's a whole mess of emotions, ha! Happy "back to school"! :)
ReplyDeleteCount me in the working Moms club too. Tough is the only way I can describe my feelings. I get sad every day, but can so relate to your feelings of wanting the best for you child, hence working, and loving your job, cause I love mine too. I've been back at work for 4 weeks now and it is getting a little bit easier. Hugs to you and all the woking mamas! xo
ReplyDeleteI should add....hugs to the SAHMs too! xo
ReplyDeleteOkay...I'm stepping out of the lurking because I need to say DITTO!! I actually am a young working mom just like you that teaches at Read Mountain Middle School (Botetourt Co). I can totally relate to you, and have written multiple posts on it! ha It's so hard and so rewarding all at the same time! You can do it though :) And on a side note...oddly enough my husband just got the boys' varsity soccer job at Cave Spring and my friend and I were like "Yes...we might have a chance at meeting E" :)
ReplyDeleteThere are good and bad days on both fronts! Having time in each realm can really refresh you for the return to the other, or wear you out!! just don't forget to cut yourself some slack and try to connect with other working moms, straddling the fence can make you feel like you don't fit in either category.
ReplyDeleteI love my job and I still cried daily for about a month and then each Monday morning for about 3! Good luck!