No, I'm not pregnant. Sorry to disappoint. And, just so there is no confusion... We are not trying to get pregnant any time in the very near future. There. Now...
Allow me to summarize the last few years/months of my mind recently. (At least related to this particular topic; trying to summarize my mind in general would be impossible.)
Before pregnancy:
"I want to have FIVE kids. I will settle for four but not a single one less than that. Whatever it takes. I also want to be a young mom - one that looks cute at Back to School night and her kids' friends think she is 'cool.' I also want my kids to be closer together in age. Sure, it will be hard to have five kids under ten; but, it will just be a crazy season of my life. I will survive it, and it will all be over at once; plus, my kids will be best friends and will be SO thankful when they are older that I selflessly 'popped' them out one after the other. We'll handle college costs when that time comes. We will not think about things like that right now."
During pregnancy:
"I do not want to be pregnant again for a VERY long time. [Given the above convictions], I will allow myself ONE year to 'recover' before starting this cycle again."
With a one-month old:
"I think I'll be fine with just one baby. Maybe I'll adopt when Sam is 30."
With a six-month old:
"Ok, this has gotten a little easier. I think I can handle two (or maybe three) kids; but, a year is NOT a 'very long time.' Sam really needs all of my attention right now; and, I still have A LOT of weight to lose before I want to gain 40 pounds again. Three or four years between kids seems reasonable. How old will that make me for baby 3?"
With a one-year old:
"Oh gosh... WHAT is going on with me?!?! I kind-of miss the teeny-tiny baby stage. Sam is SO fun; but, he is just getting WAY too big. He will make SUCH a good big brother, and he would LOVE having a playmate. I kind-of want to decorate a nursery again. We have all this really cute baby stuff that we barely got to use. Plus, I think I'm finally 'getting' this mom thing a little bit. I mean, I'm still a hot mess; but, I'm starting to be ok with that. I'll be so much better the second time around. Oh gosh..."
"I still have A LOT of weight to lose."
Ha! In all seriousness, something has come over me recently. For probably the first nine or ten months after Sam was born, I lived in constant fear of seeing a little pink line on a pregnancy test. (I'm sorry if that sounds awful, it is just the truth of where I was.) But, as time passes, the idea is (strangely) seeming a lot less daunting and a lot more wonderful again. A woman's ability to forget is perhaps her best and worst quality simultaneously, isn't it?
Although I'm totally confident in our decision to wait a little longer before growing our family again; I'm starting to 'get it.' I think I understand now why two years is such a common span between babies. (That is how much time is between my sister and me, Jeff and his brother, and several of my friends have recently added baby #2 around the 2-year mark.) At one year, you don't feel like you have baby anymore. Plus - with breastfeeding over and the return of other things, hormones are starting to send really crazy mommy-vibes to the brain again - the same ones that made me a crazy person approximately two years previously. Seriously, if you had told me even three months ago that I would have ever considered getting pregnant again so soon; I would have thrown something at you. Now, I just get it.
Don't get me wrong, I still think Sam needs a lot of my attention. And, I'm not exactly missing sleepless nights or looking forward to five more years of changing diapers; but, maybe a big family is still in the cards. Maybe not. I guess only time will tell...
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| (Source) Adorable photo, but... WOW. Now this, I cannot imagine! |
Can you all relate to this sort-of evolution of thought? How much time do you want between kids? How much space did you put between the ones you already have? What do you think is the ideal distance?
Just feeling curious and maybe a little (baby) feverish today.
I was the same way with my first pregnancy. I swore I'd NEVER be pregnant again. 3 years and 8 months later I got pregnant. 14 weeks later, I discovered it was twins!!! LOL During that pregnancy I knew that I really never wanted to be pregnant again. But then my little babies got bigger and the "urge" to have another baby came creeping in. Hubby shot the idea down and part of me is ok with that, but the other part can't believe I'll never have another teeny tiny newborn again!!!
ReplyDeleteThere are two and half years between my son and daughter (Malcolm will be three at the end of September, and Pearl will be six months), and, so far, this gap has worked well for us! My husband's family was really pushing for the two year age gap (since that's how their family is set up), but that just seemed too soon for us ... The extra six months (I think) really makes a difference, especially when your first is a boy! :)
ReplyDeleteAll of our children are 2.5 years apart... however, I only birthed two of them. But I think 2-3 years is a good age range. You don't have to store clothes from the first for YEARS, etc. But cherish this time that you have now... that you can entertain the idea of having another child and actually doing it. You'll find that once you get to the time Sam is 12 or 13 that you will think about it and then promptly push that out of your mind. I'd be starting all over again. And I totally know how you feel about seeing that little line. I. Would. Die. Ok, so no I wouldn't... and he/she would be a gift from God. But the shock would take some time to wear off.
ReplyDeleteI'm 11 weeks along and kids will be just under 2.5 years apart.
ReplyDeleteBut mostly, that picture scares me. Can you imagine getting pregnant ONE MONTH after Sam was born?! Oh man! I would have died. I mean, I'm sure I would have survived but it would have been even uglier than what it was. Two, in less than a year? It's the thing nightmares are made of- for me:)
I loved being pregnant and had a really easy pregnancy and labor but I didn't really feel that baby fever until recently. Our son also just turned 1. I think I feel the same way you do, I miss the cuddly baby stage. I love our son at his current age, he's fun and a handful but I long (yes I'm crazy) for those late night feedings! My husband has been asking for another for a few months but he also isn't the one staying home with 2 under 2 so I'm sure it's a little different for him. A baby is a blessing no matter when they come just hopefully you're ready for them!
ReplyDeleteRight there with you on every single point exactly! We are "planning" (and we all know about our plans...)to try this time next year which, if all goes as "planned" there will be a 3 year age difference between siblings. In the meantime, I am giving myself this year to lose 50lbs...we will see....
ReplyDeleteFirst there is no right or wrong age gap. :) But my kids are 18 months apart. On purpose. And while it was a bit overwhelming in the beginning, its great now. They are great little playmates (2 years and 10 months). I sometimes think of a 3rd but right now I've got to lose some weight. Well that and we are moving to Uganda, so we need to get settled there first...
ReplyDeleteWe closed the baby door after Avery was 9 months old and I regret it... I was so content with my boy and girl (25 months apart) but now I wish I had protested more about my hubby getting "fixed." I KNOW I almost dies both times I gave birth and it would be unfair to my current 2 children to risk my life to have a 3rd but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to secretly looking into adoption.... maybe one day!
ReplyDeleteMy kiddos are 15 months apart to the day, 22 months and 8 months. Some days are harder than other. But most days are great.
ReplyDeleteMy son was roughly 3 months when I started feeling the "urge". It had to do with him not being a tiny newborn anymore etc etc. Darn hormones.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I overcame the urge (so far). We'll probably wait til he's 1.5 to start trying for the second. Who knows!
I'm totally with you on waiting for the next baby. I miss having the "baby" in my home and yet I love my little toddler. I kind of want to be selfish a bit and enjoy Michael before we expand our family. I'm sure one day we'll get baby number two.
ReplyDeleteride-thespiral.blogspot.com
I have had baby fever for months now. My twins are 19 months old and I thought it would be nice to have one on the way by now. I was never a "baby" person until my own babies became toddlers. My sister and I are 18 months apart and I have always loved being close. My two have a built in sibling but I've always wanted 3 kids.
ReplyDeleteMy two boys are 12 yrs apart. I got pregnant with my first almost immediately after my wedding even though we were planning to wait several years before starting our family. After he was born, we decided to wait awhile to have more, kind of play it by ear, but I never really felt the urge to have another. By the time he was about 10, we had decided we were OK with just one child. My second son disagreed, and I was shocked but happy when I found out I was pregnant with him. Just proof that sometimes you can't plan your kids, they seem to plan you. Oh, and more proof that birth control is not 100% effective!
ReplyDeleteI think the impressions we get as Moms to grow our families are usually spot on. Trust those, and things will work out fine. Good luck1
ReplyDeleteI completely understand this thought process! It's crazy! Talk about mood swings!
ReplyDeleteamen...
ReplyDeleteI completely understand... it's a crazy thought/emotion process, for sure. Before my son, we had big plans for 2-3 kids, 2.5 years apart. Then my pregnancy was miserable and my son was amazing but a little high maintenance and I had a panic attack every time I even THOUGHT of getting pregnant again. Circumstances made that feeling last a little longer than we had planned and now my son will be 5 in January and we are hoping to have our second soon. It's a bigger gap than we had planned originally but I know it will work out in the end. :)
ReplyDeleteHey I think you have babyophobia kind of thing hahaha...very interesting to read each and every stuff regarding having more babies...to me babies are like angels..they are so much innocent and cute..so there is no problem of having more babies to me...
ReplyDeleteessay
I have absolutely ALWAYS loved being pregnant. I am one of those moms that as soon as one would pop out I would start planning the next. We have a 9, 6, 5, and 2 age range. I still would love more but I do feel like our family is complete now (a feeling I didn't have before the last one). Listen to your heart.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand this thought process! It's crazy! Talk about mood swings!
ReplyDeleteI'm totally with you on waiting for the next baby. I miss having the "baby" in my home and yet I love my little toddler. I kind of want to be selfish a bit and enjoy Michael before we expand our family. I'm sure one day we'll get baby number two.
ReplyDeleteGood health is not something we can buy. However, it can be an extremely valuable savings account.
ReplyDelete