Pregnancy Etiquette

This photo is from my friend Lindsey's blog.  She's pregnant, and adorable, and I'm sure she won't mind me stealing this without her permission. :)

Yesterday, I went to the "girl doctor."  No, I'm not pregnant.  Yes, I think having to say "girl doctor" means you are too immature to have a baby....  That's all besides the point.

The place was like a pregnancy zoo.  You know that scene at the beginning of  Baby Mama (a beautiful work of modern theatrical genius) where Tina Fey keeps seeing little babies staring at her and making googley eyes EVERYWHERE she looks? That was me yesterday, except with pregnant bellies too... I tried to focus on less pleasant parts of pregnancy like nausea and excessive weight gain - but I mostly was just jealous...

In my effort to distract myself during the forty-five blasted minutes in the waiting room, I started thinking about the topic of PREGNANCY ETIQUETTE, specifically with regards to Facebook and other social networks like Twitter and blogs.  Ladies, I think this is a conversation we NEED to have, and I'm  not afraid to start it...

Disclaimer: I mean for this to be about 25% serious/thought-provoking and 75% funny.  Truly, I mean absolutely NO disrespect or insensitivity AT ALL.  I've never been pregnant, so I know absolutely nothing about what it is really like; and - let the record show - I will probably do ALL of these things when my day comes.  This is all in good fun - ok?

Ok, so here goes...

Let's start with this: I LOVE a good pregnancy pic. If you are pregnant and you have an updated FB page or blog, you can pretty much rest assured that I am busy stalking following everything you post.  I do think pregnancy is beautiful and fascinating.  BUT... Sometimes, I am a little caught off guard when I see a picture of you NAKED (you know the ones) for all the world to see.  News flash: Under any other circumstance, this would be considered X-Rated. If you wouldn't pose naked before you were pregnant - i.e. before you gained thirty pounds and a lot of stretch marks - why would you now?  (Maybe that's just it... my stomach already doesn't look so hot, and my mom gained 80 pounds when she was pregnant with me - I'm cursed... and envious.) Absolutely take the pictures, but maybe you could put them in a sweet little (private) scrapbook. :)

(Photo Credit)

While we're on this subject, let's talk about ultrasound photos.  I, personally, don't mind them.  But, I have a girlfriend who HATES when people make them their profile-pictures on Facebook.  She says they are personal and Facebook readers should get to choose whether or not they look at them, instead of just scrolling down their list of friends and finding the inside of your uterus in place of a head-shot.  Any thoughts on this?!?  Just curious...

Finally, can I just express my extreme sadness over the current trends in pregnancy?  Back when my mom was pregnant with me, pregnant women were expected - maybe even encouraged - to eat TONS of unhealthy food, gain TONS of weight, and chug around in moo-moos and trashbags for (at least) six months.  (My mom tells stories of literally eating WHOLE boxes of donuts out of the grocery cart while she shopped, hence the aforementioned 80 pound weight gain!)  Anyways, today, it appears that EVERY pregnant woman must be incredibly gorgeous, thinner than ever, and able to run a marathon, wear a bikini, etc. etc. etc.  WHAT have we done?!?!  It's not that I don't enjoy the pictures of you in your adorable pregnancyness --- but really, the bar has been set far too high.  I will have to go into hiding when I am pregnant.  Every once in a while, could you just post a picture of you with a bad hairday, no makeup, and too-tight jeans unbuttoned at the top.  Or maybe one where you just finished throwing up? Let's just be real about this ok?  And, if you are one of those BLESSED individuals who really does always look ah-mazing, maybe you could put those pictures in your private scrapbook too.  It would REALLY help some of my insecurities.  I'mjustsaying. :)

I mean, really? (Photo Credit)

Now, I'm not ignorant... You ARE carrying a human being in your body for nine months.  You DO deserve some rights.  And, I know "we" (non-pregnant gals) say and do a lot of stupid/annoying things.  For example, I've heard that people HATE to have their stomach's touched by strangers  (Another thing that would NEVER be ok if you weren't pregnant - I mean, imagine that please!); and, I know you shouldn't say things like "Oh my gosh, you are HUGE," or "I can't believe you still have another two months to go.  You look like you are going to pop."  But, what am I missing?  Preggos, speak up!  This isn't a one sided conversation.  What do "we" do that really makes you tick (hormones or not)?

Let's get this convo started...