Church After Baby (Lesson 18)

This is a post that has been brewing in me for some time now; but, something always stops me from actually writing it out.  Part of it is the fact that people I love and respect from my church in real life read this.  (As if they haven't noticed that things have been different since Sam.)  But, on a deeper level, it is just that admitting that church is hard these days makes me feel guilty, like a little bit of a failure at this whole "raise your child in the way he should go" thing.  (I hate when I am that kind of a Christian - the one who thinks they are defined by what they do or don't do - but old habits die hard, and sometimes I am.)

Anyways, here it is:

Church after baby has been hard for me.  Really hard.

Now that that's out there, let me back up and give a little disclaimer:

Our church family has been nothing but wonderful and supportive to Jeff and I from the moment we found out we were pregnant.  (And well before that too.) They hosted showers, they visited us in the hospital, they brought meals, they have been patient and understanding, and they have loved our boy.  This is NOT about my church.  It is about ME.  Please hear that.

So, with that said...

Back when Sam was first born, I kind-of gave myself a "free pass" with church. You may have heard me say this before (haha), but he wasn't exactly an easy infant.  He wasn't the kind that would sleep in my arms during the service or sit quietly in his stroller in the back of the church.  Getting out of the house was hard enough work; and then church itself was exhausting with all the pacing, bouncing, soothing, and trying to feed him without simultaneously flashing the congregation or having a nervous breakdown. He still felt too young to put in the nursery; so, we let it go, only going to church once in a while.

As he got older, and I felt more comfortable with going out in public, putting him in the nursery, etc,, I expected it to get easier.  But, it was still hard. The challenges were just different.  More selfish, if I'm being honest. I had gone back to work full time, and Sam went to a babysitter at 8AM five days a week. The mornings when we got to stay in our pajamas, drink coffee, and spend time as a family became SO precious. The last thing I wanted to do was spend another morning rushing around the house getting ready and put Sam in someone else's care. Also - and this helped me justify our absence a little more - Sam had finally fallen into a nice napping schedule, with his first nap at 9:30AM.  Church started at ten.

There was something else too.  While our church was literally FULL of babies, I knew only one other working mom there.  This was really hard for me.  I felt left out of the club - you know, the 9AM Bible Studies (which my church doesn't even have) and play dates club.  More than that, I felt jealous.  And guilty. And maybe a little bitter. I felt like no one could relate to what a sacrifice it was for me to get to church on Sundays; and, sometimes I believed the lies that people thought I was less of a mom because I didn't stay home with my baby. (Again, see disclaimer.  Those are LIES.  But, nonetheless, it was the way I felt.)

So, I became an expert at justification. I told myself this was a season, and we'd get back in the groove when it was over.

When it was over...

Well, Sam is sixteen months old now.  I work part-time. But, one season has simply been replaced by another.

Going to church is still hard. (Although, it is getting easier.) It doesn't come naturally for me, and I don't always (although sometimes I do) wake up on Sunday mornings looking forward to church.  These days, now that I am finally feeling more confident and settled as a mom, what makes it hard isn't so much my good "reasons," but more because I've fallen out of the habit.

To be fair, parenthood has been a time of spiritual growth and maturity for me.  I do not feel far away from God.  Quite the contrary.  Motherhood has (in the words of a wise friend) taught me more about Jesus than any book or sermon or Bible study ever could. I know grace, and trust, and surrender more than I ever have.  BUT, and there's always a 'but'...

I believe community IS important.  Raising our children in the church IS a priority for Jeff & me.  Our hopes for Sam, from the very beginning, have been that he would grow up in a community of people that love him, pray for him, and help him to build his own relationship with Christ and love others the way He would.  If I had to write a "mission statement" as a parent, that would be it... I WANT Sam to grow up knowing how important people are to us; seeing that we are NOT selfish with our time.  That we make community and relationships a priority.

So, we move on... I will probably never be the mom at church with her two week old; but, like so many other things in motherhood, I will choose to show myself grace, name the things that are hard, and move forward... one step at a time. :)

Can you relate to this?  Do you have any tips for church after baby?  Do you know a young mom at your church who hasn't been around much lately?  Please reach out to her.  Tell her it's ok.  Tell her she is still a good mom.  THAT is community.  THAT is the church.

P.S.  I'm going to call this Lesson #18.

Lesson 17: Love Your Diaper Bag

When you are pregnant, there will be a million and one things that you absolutely MUST have.  If you wanted to, you could truly spend a fortune before your baby even arrives.  (And, if the statistics are true that it costs 235,000 to raise a child today; I for one don't have the money to just toss around like that.)

In "stocking up" for Sam's arrival, I tried to prioritize my lists of needs/wants and be sure I was getting the most bang for my buck. For the most part, I think I was successful with that.  But, there were a few things I wish I had invested a little less in and a few things I wish I'd spent (well, if not money) at least more time picking out.  Which brings me to....

Lesson #17: Love Your Diaper Bag

Why?  Because of ALL the possessions (and trust me, there will be a lot) your infant will have upon birth, this is the one that a.) you will use the most; and b.) other people will see the most. Call me shallow, but it's true.

As adorable as Sam's bedroom was/is with his custom made bed-skirt and bumper (and, it was adorable), I realized quickly after he was born that Jeff and I were pretty much the only ones that ever spent time in there.  (Well, and Addy and Sam of course - but neither of them fully appreciated the decor.) Not to mention, the bumper came out as soon as he started sleeping in his bed, and the crib skirt had to be removed when we adjusted the bed to its lowest height.

Likewise, the items like the pack and play, swing, and stroller that I just had to have match & coordinate with my house were really only "on display" for a very short time. Not all that important.

(Ha, if Jeff reads this, he is probably going to kill me for figuring all this out NOW, when it was oh so important to me a year ago.)

But... the diaper bag?  Still.going.strong.

That thing has gone everywhere Sam has gone since day one (more like day four if we are being technical). Even as he has outgrown his clothes, his car seat, his toys, etc., Ole Green has been our trusty companion.

Ours is Skip Hop sold by Land of Nod.  I can't find it anymore, but you probably can if you look hard enough!

So, with that in mind, here are a few tips for buying the perfect diaper bag:

- Make sure YOU like the look.  A lot.  (I'd venture to say it is even worth spending the extra moolah if need be.)

- Make sure your husband likes it/will carry it too.  (Trust me, you will want him too.)

- Make sure it can grow with your baby and his/her needs.  (At first, we had diapers, a change of clothes, all kinds of ointments and creams.  Now, it is mostly a traveling toy chest/ pantry.)

- Make sure it is durable/ won't show dirt easily.  (Ours had a pocket rip out about six months in and Land of Nod sent us a brand new one right away - so a good return policy works too.)

- Make sure it will be easy to carry/store/etc.  (Ours is a special model by SkipHop with special little hooks to attach it to a stroller.  Because I never read the manuals, I didn't realize until Sam was about 9 months old that it had this feature; but, now that I know, I love it.

- Make sure you like the look.  (Oh, did I already say that?) ;)

So... There you have it.  

And, just for fun, here are a couple of diaper bags I love right now:

PB Kids

PB Kids

PB Kids

For dad, Scout by Petunia Picklebottom

Maranda Lee on Etsy

Skip Hop

 Ok, seriously, I had to stop myself... I could look at these and drool all day! :)

What does your diaper bag look like? Do you love it?

What other items do you think it's "worth it" to spend on?

*And, no, none of this is "sponsored."  I just like the stuff!

P.S. I'm bringing the Midweek Confessions link-up back tomorrow!!!  Please join me!!

P.S.S. Don't forget to VOTE today.  (And get free stuff at Starbucks and Chickfila!)

Lesson 16: Two Diapers at Bedtime (and other tricks of the trade)

Lesson #16: Put Your Baby to Bed Wearing TWO Diapers

Last night I was talking with some mom-friends who were all sharing their nighttime diaper woes - i.e. trying every size, shape, and variety of diaper out there; but still, somehow, waking up to a soaked baby every morning... Apparently, it is a common problem; but I think we might just have this one figured out folks. (Yes, I realize I just totally broke the cardinal rule of parenthood - I'll pay tonight, I'm sure.)

Anyway, if there is anything important to Jeff & I in life it is sleep, so solving a problem that kept our boy from sleeping as long as possible, was priority A1A from the very beginning. We, too, tried lots of things to stop the overnight leakage; but the only thing we have found that works is to put Sam to bed wearing two diapers. There is nothing fancy or complicated about this approach.  We use the same size/absorbency/etc. as we always do, but we double up at night.  Plain, simple, and EFFECTIVE. 

I can't remember exactly when we first started doing this; but, it has been a long time (my guess is that he was around 4 months old).  Since then, the only times he has woken up wet are on the rare nights when we "chance" it to see if perhaps he has outgrown the problem.  So far, it's a no go. 

Before I shared this with my friends last night, it never occurred to me that we were doing anything novel; but they were super impressed (haha, the things you get excited about in motherhood), so I thought I'd share it with you too.  Hey, no one likes changing sheets every single morning. 

It's the little lessons too.

Here's a bonus one for you: Layer your baby's bed: mattress pad, sheet, mattress pad, sheet so you can simply strip off the top two layers after middle-of-the-night "accidents" instead of having to totally change the sheets. (I never particularly liked this one, because I still thought it was a lot of work; but, it is good in theory.)

What "little lessons" or tricks of the trade do you rely on? Please share!

P.S. Today is the last day to enter my Boy Oh Boy giveaway...  Please go enter HERE for a chance to win an adorable custom print!

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 15: It's OK to Think Your Life Is Hard

In fairness, I actually had already written a 'Lesson 15' on how, even though everything is a lot more work once you have kids, it is also a lot more FUN.  But, in light of this week's response, etc. it felt a little forced (even though it is 100% true); and then yesterday, I randomly stumbled upon this article from the National Catholic Register back in January, which is just PERFECT for where we are in this discussion... Enjoy!

Lesson #15:  It's OK to Think Your Life Is Hard.

When I first read this article, I immediately had an uncontrollable urge to print hundreds of copies and mail them to every person I know with a baby, or heck, maybe even hand them out to strangers I meet at the playground or Starbucks with a little one in the stroller, crazy hair, yoga pants, and tired eyes. The words that writer, Simcha Fischer - who is a mother to NINE children - has for moms with only one child spoke straight to my heart. It is so encouraging and such a good reminder for new moms as we navigate this uncharted territory; I only wish I had found it earlier in the journey!

I've copied my favorite passage (with complete credit given to Simcha & the NC Register) below; but, in case you can't tell, I really think you should go read the whole thing...  And, maybe also print a copy and mail it anonymously to your friend with the three month old... just saying. :)

To become a mother, I had to learn how to care about someone more than I did about myself, and that was terrible.  But who I am now is something more terrible:  the protector who can’t always protect; the one with arms that are designed to hold, always having to let go.

Dear mother of only one child, don’t blame yourself for thinking that your life is hard.  You’re suffering now because you’re turning into a new woman, a woman who is never allowed to be alone.  For what?  Only so that you can become strong enough to be a woman who will be left.

Dear mother, don’t worry about enjoying your life.  Your life is hard; your life will be hard.  That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing it right.

That's good stuff friends!

Happy Friday!

P.S. You might have noticed that I never announced the winner of the Boy Oh Boy giveaway... Don't worry! In light of all the "drama" and over-posting in the last couple of weeks, I've decided to keep it open until THIS Sunday and announce a winner on Monday.  Please go enter HERE for a chance to win an adorable custom print!

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 14: Everything Is A Lot More Work

One night last week, Sam took a late nap and I didn't get the lasagna in the oven until after 6.  When Jeff came home and Sam was awake, I noticed we still had a good hour before the sun went down and my kitchen timer went off, so we hurriedly bundled our boy and dashed across the alley to the park.  On a whim, I texted our neighbor (and Sam's buddy), and they joined us.  Later, we ate lasagna at 7:30 and then took a spur-of-the-moment trip through the Starbucks drive-thru for a Pumpkin Spice latte just because... It was a WONDERFUL night.

There was a time not very long ago, when a night like that would have seemed ordinary.  We would work or play until close to seven, eat a late dinner, and often go out afterwards.  That was my life B.B. (before baby).  These days, it goes a little more like this:

6:30PM - dinner

7:00PM - clean up dinner while Jeff takes Sam upstairs for bath

7:30PM - wrestle Sam into his pajamas, brush his teeth, read books, say a prayer, put to him to bed

8:00PM - fold laundry, grade papers, feed Addy (poor girl), respond to emails, lesson plan, etc., etc. and literally collapse into bed, exhausted, some time between 9:30 and 1:30 depending on the night.

Can you relate?

Lesson #14: Everything Is A Lot More Work

Sometimes I catch myself dreaming about the Saturdays when I could sit at my laptop cranking out blog posts and Facebook stalking and re-heating my coffee ALL day if I wanted.  Or the days when I could shop with only a small purse or get ready to go out by simply showering and primping myself.  Or the nights when Jeff and I would decide at 7PM to go out to eat and catch a movie with friends, then come home tired and go right to bed... and stay there until well after 8AM the next morning.  Sometimes, I admit, those feel a little like "the good ole days."

Life with a baby is BUSY.  Everything - and really, I mean everything - is more work than life before.

To be honest, this has been one of my most difficult transitions to motherhood - just the constant feeling that something needs to be done and you are the one to do it --

A trip to the grocery store requires strict planning because I only have thirty minutes before someone starts climbing out of the cart.

An afternoon at the mall requires a stroller, diaper bag, change of clothes, snack, sippy cup, toys, jacket, and a strict 3PM deadline for nap time.

Dinner out? No problem, as long as we have a lifetime supply of food, a bib, our own high chair if we are going to someone's house, a sticky mat for the table... Or, better yet, a babysitter. :)

And, don't even get me started on a quick weekend getaway or - heaven forbid - a beach vacation.

Nothing is ever simple...

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 13: Sleep is a Rare and Precious Gem

First: Don't forget to enter my Boy Oh Boy Boutique give away here!!!

I'm pretty sure this one goes without saying; but, it must be included...

Lesson #13: Sleep Is a Rare & Precious Gem

 If you are not a parent yet, please enjoy a morning of sleeping in for me! :)

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 12: Shop Second-Hand

Yesterday I was off from work for the end of the first quarter (Halleluiah!), so you can imagine my excitement when I looked out my window this morning and saw the people at the end of our street having a HUGE yard sale of their grandson's clothes, toys, etc.

I might have gone over immediately - while still wearing my pajamas, no bra, and carrying a pj'ed baby with a dirty diaper - and come home with a bag FULL of clothes, a Leapfrog Learning Station, and $20.00 less. Might. ;)

Anyway, even though I've already mentioned it before, I decided this deserved a lesson all of its own. So...

Lesson # 12: Shop Second-Hand

Before I got married, I bought mostly designer brands and full-price items.  After I got married, I became an expert TJ Maxx and sale-rack shopper.  And, since having a baby, I've become almost obsessed with shopping consignment and yard sales.  (I guess if we have another baby I'll start making my own clothes or something!)

Sam grows FAST (although, it is slowing down now that he is a little older).  He is dirty (my boy loves dirt, what can I say).  And, he goes through a LOT of clothes.

I LOVE shopping.  I LOVE dressing my little guy. I also like buying myself cute clothes, going out to eat, decorating my house, and saving for college... 

So, to keep myself from going totally broke, these days, I hardly EVER spend more than 5 - 10 dollars on clothes for Sam.  In his closet right now, I would honestly say that about 90% of his clothes were not bought new. And, lest you be confused, I still think Sam is one of the best dressed toddlers in town. ;)

Thanks to stores like Once Upon a Child, big local consignment sales like Back on the Rack and Lauren's Friends and Alex (going on now in Roanoke), yard sales, and many generous friends - We get the name-brand adorables that I can't resist at less than HALF (usually less than 1/4th) the regular prices! It is the best of both worlds!

(Many of my friends also shop Facebook auctions for great deals on smocking etc.  But, I mostly save those for special occassions only - as the prices are still usually in the $25 - $40 range.)

So, there you have it.  You can have cute clothes for your little one and not spend a fortune.  Just buy yourself some Dreft and don't be afraid to dig.  Trust me, it is the way to go! :)

*And, a Word of Warning: You may want to avoid stepping into places like Baby Gap until you officially have the "consignment bug."  Today, I can't really stand to buy an item for full price; but, at first, it was much harder to practice self control. Ha!

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 11: It is a Privilege

I'm a few days late with this, but in catching up on some of my blog reading (read: putting off grading papers) last night, I realized that October 15th was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 

Reading some of my favorite bloggers' writing about their own experiences with loss reminded me of perhaps the most important lesson of motherhood so far...

Lesson #11: Motherhood is a Privilege

I think sometimes I (in real life and on my blog) can get caught up in the hard parts of being a mom.  But, it is good to stop and remember that it is a GIFT.  Having a baby is not a guaranteed in life.  I do not "deserve" it.  It might feel like a job some days, but it is a job I am incredibly blessed to have - one that many many women pray and long for every day.

At this point in my life, I don't have any direct experiences with this kind of loss; but, being a mom has made me keenly aware of how powerless I am over those things... Yes, I get caught up in the busyness of being a mom - in my own "to do" lists of laundry and feeding and chasing - but, in the quiet moments, I remember those mamas who have had to say goodbye to a baby too soon or are still waiting for their turn to receive the gift, and my heart hurts.

In honor of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day (but really, any day), I am saying a prayer for those mamas and babies today.  I am holding Sam just a little tighter; and I am remembering what an absolute privilege it is to be a mother.  I do not take it lightly friends.

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 10: Time Flies + Giveaway!!

*Even if you are sick of my "lesson" posts, be sure you scroll to the bottom for details about a great giveaway from Boy Oh Boy today. *

 Lesson #10: Time really does FLY.

Before you have a baby, people love to tell you how much time will fly once you have kids.  I think I believed those words of "warning," but I didn't understand them until it became my reality...

It sounds cliche, but it truly feels like yesterday that we were decorating a nursery and contemplating a birth plan.  It feels like NO TIME since we were walking into our house with a tiny little human, an armload of paperwork from the hospital, and absolutely NO clue what we were doing.  It feels like there is no possible way that I am the mom of a FIFTEEN MONTH OLD!!! 

Yesterday, as I went through Sam's closet and began packing yet another box of clothes he has outgrown, I was struck by how fast time really goes now that it is measured in firsts - smiles, steps, words, experiences. For most of my life, I've waited and longed for the next stage to begin. I couldn't wait to "grow up" and go to college, get a job, get married, buy a house, have a baby... And now, here I am, carrying boxes of bottles and bouncers to the basement and wishing (if only for a few minutes), that I could slow down time...

If I've learned one thing from this gig so far, it's that nothing lasts forever...  In the throes of sleepless nights and crying or the first weeks when simply going to Target seems like an impossible task, it feels like you will never get through it... And then, just like that, it's over and you are taking your toddler to the park, and teaching him to eat with a fork, and thinking about things like potty training, and ABCs, and even missing (a little) the very long days early on that revolved strictly around diaper changing and breastfeeding and rocking.

New moms, I won't ask you to enjoy those days.  I won't ask you to spend as much time as you possibly can holding that little bundle while he will still sit with you without squirming.  BUT, just know that it is true... Time really does FLY.

...

And now, I'm excited to announce a give away from my one of my favorite Etsy shops Boy Oh Boy Boutique today.  In addition to selling adorable iron-on onesie appliques (I'm pretty much obsessed with the holiday ones), Leanne's shop is now offering custom prints marking the one day time stood still - your little one's birth day.

Today, she is giving one lucky reader a free 8x10 of any design featured in her shop, or specially customized!  Here are the details:

- To enter, just visit Boy Oh Boy and leave a comment back here telling me what design you would choose (or how you would customize one). 

- For an extra entry, 'Like' her shop on Facebook and leave a second comment telling me you did so.

- The contest will end on Sunday, and the winner will be announced Monday 10/22. She (or he)  can choose to receive either a digital or hard copy (or both) of the print they select. *Note, frame not included.

These would make awesome additions to any nursery, gallery wall, or the perfect gift for baby showers, Christmas, etc.  Now, go already... :)

(I know some people have been having trouble commenting on my blog recently.  I am still trying to figure out how to eliminate ugly spammers without losing you all - so thanks for your patience & feel free to offer suggestions if you have any! In the mean time, you may need to register with Disqus - my new commenting forum - through your Facebook, Twitter, or blog account and/or enable pop-ups; if that still doesn't work, feel free to email me your "entry" at e@emyselfandi.com.) 

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 9: The Wubbanub

I have written about the Wubbanub before, and I will continue singing its praises until they adopt me as their official sponsor because we absolutely could not have survived the first year (+ 3 months) of Sam's life without it. *Ok, we probably could have survived but it would have been much noisier. :)

This is totally one of those things that, prior to motherhood, I thought was absolutely STUPID - a dumb marketing ploy to jack up the prices on already-bad pacifiers.  But, I stumbled across this bad boy (I mean, an elephant hanging out of your mouth - how bad can you get) on some mom-blogs one groggy afternoon early on as I was trying to figure out how to get Sam to stop crying.  Desperate at that point, I promptly ordered one from Amazon and there was no looking back.

Wubby - as we affectionately call it - has been a loyal friend to Sam (and his mom and dad) ever since.

From "How to Soothe a Crying Baby" (August 2011)

Although it looks ridiculous, the size helps baby to be able to put it in his mouth sooner (like when it falls out at 3AM) and makes it much harder to lose. (We have had the same one since he was two weeks old, and one backup - for days when that one is in the wash - and those are the only two pacifiers we've ever bought.)

In fact, just this past weekend, I ventured out of the house without it (because we are really trying to break Sam's addiction), but when a mild tantrum broke out in in the kitchen aisle of TJ Maxx, I grabbed for the only plug I had - a plain old soothie.  And, wouldn't you know, within minutes that thing was lost in the sea of the store never to be seen again...

It is my "go to" gift for new moms and one of my greatest discoveries of motherhood so far. :)

So, there you have it:

Lesson #9: Buy a Wubbanub.

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

Lesson 8: The Laundry Is Never Done

Can I get an 'Amen' on this lesson?!?!

Lesson #8: The laundry is never done.

Literally as I was sitting down to write this, I ran upstairs and took a quick photo in Sam's closet. This is right now.  Those clothes on the floor are dirty.  The ones in the basket are clean. How do you tell the difference? Smell them. ;)

Along with the fact that my glass doors will never again be clear and free of tiny fingerprints, I am learning to accept the fact that it is completely impossible to ever truly catch up on laundry.  (And by learning to accept, I mean rarely doing laundry like I should and settling for wrinkled mismatched clothes from the basket since they virtually never get hung up and folded neatly between wears.)

I thought the infant months were bad - what with explosive diapers and fountains of spit-up; but, at least then bibs were more acceptable.  (I can barely find a bib that fits around Sam's neck now and they all make him look goofy.) These days, we are in the sit-in-the-dog-bowl, play-in-the-dirt, rub-banana-all-over-my-shirt stage; and, let me tell you... I have the laundry to prove it.  TONS of it.

And... Just when I think I am finally done/finished/caught-up; that darn baby goes and needs to wear a new outfit the next hour day. ;)  It is never-ending.  Of course, it also doesn't help that he loves to assist with my laundry duties by strewing clean clothes all over the dirty floors (not that I have dirty floors or anything) whenever he gets the chance; making literally my only time to put away said clothes being when he is sleeping... In his room... Where I need to put away all the clothes.  Do you get my gist? 

So... Take my word for it pregnant gals - or those of you who plan to be pregnant one day - buy your carseat, crib, stroller, and breastpump on Craigslist* and register for a new washer and dryer instead. 

Here's an encouraging (and free) printable from Three Little Monkey's Studio to end on a positive note.  Although, I must admit, I'm still skeptical...

P.S. Please resist the urge to tell me to just do one load of laundry every single day. I can barely get my teeth brushed every single day people... please! (Kidding. Mostly.)

This post is part of a series for 31 Days of Change hosted by The Nester. To see my other "lessons," click here.

*I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to use used car seats and I'm undecided on the sanitary-ness of using someone elses' breast pump... Those items were just included for effect. ;)