On Being the Mama SAM Needs (Repost/Update)

Friends, Sam and I have a it-snows-one-day-and-is-70-degrees-the-next seasonal cold.  That, combined with the end-of-spring-break-blues, makes me rather "blah" today.  BUT, fear not... I have something to share:

Below is a combination re-post/update from my "31 Lessons I Learned in My First Year of Motherhood" series from October 2012.  I was honored to share it on Blog-o-holl*ic back at the end of March as part of Hollie's amazing Month 4 Moms, and I wanted to post it here today.  It is always so good for me to look back and remember how far I have come since those first months of motherhood and be reminded that the whole thing is a journey, not a destination.  Hope you will enjoy!

Ok, confession time (because that's kind-of my specialty): Before I became a mom, I judged other women for not keeping up with their friends after having a baby,  not controlling their crying baby in public, not having their baby on a schedule, or simply not being able to keep their kid from being covered in snot and spit-up all the time.  *I promise, I wasn't a total jerk.  I was just naive and stupid.

Then, I became one of those moms.  Yep, it happens to the best of us.

The truth is, I thought I knew what kind of mom I would be.  Shoot, I'd been babysitting since I was 11, stalking mom blogs for years, and reading parenting books like it was my job for at least nine months.  I subconsciously labeled the mom in front of my at Chick-fila as "good" or "bad" in the ten seconds it took me to observe her lunch order, kids' behavior, and her own personal hygiene.  

Ask me about my birth plan, and I had NO idea.  But, ask me my philosophy on feeding or sleeping or discipline and I was all over it. I could almost see my new life with my wonderful husband, perfectly decorated nursery, and my very own bundle of joy (who would always smell like baby powder, wear all Baby Gap, and eat only organic food).

Instead, my sweet bundle of joy had colic and absolutely NO respect for a schedule - or any of my other plans for that matter. I never slept (much less showered), I drank way too much caffeine for a breastfeeding mom, I let my infant in my bed, he wore (gasp) white Gerber onesies 90% of the time, and my current "best friend" was the pacifier.   After almost having a nervous breakdown at about three weeks in, I realized I could either drive myself CRAZY trying to be the mom I wanted to be thought I was going to be; or, I could just love the baby I was given and become the mama he needed. Thankfully, for all parties involved, I chose the latter (sometimes grudgingly).

At one week.

At nine months.

Now, 20 months into this mothering gig, I am NOTHING like the mom I thought would be. I am messier, and tireder, and a lot less organized. But, I am also more fun, more relaxed, and a lot less judgmental than I was

Eighteen Months

As Sam quickly approaches his second birthday this summer(how is that even possible?), I am so aware of how much I have changed.  Probably the most important (and hardest) lesson I've learned on this journey is to  focus on being the mom your baby needs, NOT the mom you thought you'd be.   The last 21 months have been a process of letting go of some of the hopes, expectations, and "fantasies" I had about being a mom, but it has been so good.  SO good..

I know now that Sam deserves a mom who believes she is good at being his mom. I am not the perfect mom, and I sure as heck won't be writing any manuals anytime soon; but, I am exactly what my boy needs.  Today, I like the mom (and the person) I am SO much more than the mom I thought I was going to be. Today, things are just as they are supposed to be.  Today, Sam is happy and loved, and he has a mom that isn't afraid to dole out healthy doses of grace - to a rebellious little guy, the mom beside her on the park bench, and even to herself.

How are you different from the mom you thought you would be?  Please share below!

 

Blog Gems

Umm... Oops.  So, apparently, I really had fallen out of the habit of writing regular blog posts.  Sorry friends.  This thing ain't over, I'm just warming up...

Today is my last day of Spring Bbreak.  So.so.sad.  I am spending it in PJs, drinking coffee with a very snotty nosed toddler. What better way?  It is supposed to be close to 70 degrees today, so a trip to the park is in order later.  Otherwise, I'll be trying to cross things off my mile-long to do list that I hardly even looked at all break. ;)

Sam and I visited my sister for a few days last week, and I promised her a blog post about that.  So, look for it soon.  But, in the meantime, I'm sharing some of the gems from the blogosphere recently.  Enjoy!

"Discovering Peace and Freedom in Parenting by Learning to Surrender" from Life Blessons. Oh how this spoke to my mama-heart. I just found this blog through Babble, but I love it.  Its writer, Carmen, has a three-week old baby girl - oh three weeks.  I want to meet her for coffee and give her a hug.  You are not alone mama, and - I promise - you are doing a great job!

"Beauty Is Only Skin Deep... But Instagram Goes All the Way Down to the Bone" from Suburbabble.  Thankfully, Sam doesn't have an Instagram account or iPhone... yet (we're hoping for a few more actual words first); but, this still struck a chord with me as a teacher and a mom.  I'd call it a "must read" for anyone with young people in their care.  This is our world today, we may as well be prepared for it.

"Online Myopia" by Jess Lively.  This really spoke to me after my recent blog/social-media break; in fact, my own "reflections" post (whenever I get around to writing it) will probably sound kind of similar.

"What I've Learned about Toddlers" from Becky @ From Mrs. to Mama. YES YES YES

"My Spirited Child" on Marriage Confessions.  This is Katie's review of the book Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.  She does a great job of explaining the positives and negatives to the book and what is helping in her house.  As you know from this post, I have a wild child, and discipline/management can be a tough area for me.  I heard from so many of you in the same boat; so, I'm happy to pass on this great post with some good advice and encouragement.

I started this book this week.  I love how Glennon "announced" her "birth."

"Stuck in the Doldrums: An Attack Plan" by Jen Hatmaker.  Oh how I know the doldrums.  I love that Jen admits where she "fails," AND comes up with a solution.  This is good stuff.

I'm excited about this -- "Capturing Your Kids: A Photography Series" on Simple Mom.  Taking more, and better, photos is one of my goals this summer, so this is coming up at a perfect time.

I definitely need to get in the game and participate in A #Mighty Love Project sponsored by Nat the Fat Rat and Go Mighty. I love this concept!  Do it.

"Five Ways to Mix Patterns" on Centsational Girl.  I've been Googling terms like this for months... I'm not afraid of color or pattern, but I struggle with how to pair them.  I love Kate's style, so this is PERFECT for me.

"Saying 'Yes' To Myself" from Not Super, Just Mom.  Read this momma, now.

"Do You Have to Break Before You Are Whole?" on E Tells Tales.  I love her words and her heart.  Can't I just pretend this is my blog and call it a day?! ;)

"How to Write on a Chalkboard" from Jones Design Company.  Because this is one of my major life struggles these days... Seriously. I have major Pinterest Chalkboard Envy.  (Also this.)

Ok... It has clearly been a while since I've read blogs.  LOVE it.  What's the best thing you read (or wrote) this week?  Please share a link below!

What Sam does while I read blogs. #don'tjudge #justkiddingkindof #offtocleanup

And, speaking of reading blogs, don't forget to follow me on Blog Lovin'.

I promise to have something of more substance soon...

Happy Sunday!

Blog Lovin'

Hello again!

I'm just popping in to tell you that I am jumping on the Blog Lovin' bandwagon.  I don't use Google Reader (At least I don't think I do... I read and follow all my blogs through Blogger - anyone know if that is changing too?), but I've seen several bloggers switching to Blog Lovin' because GR is shutting down in July.  

So far, I think Blog Lovin' is super easy to use, the design is good, and it has an easy app for my iPhone (Blogger's reader has always been difficult to access from my phone).

If you already have an account (or want to set one up now), please follow me there with the link below:

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Back to my laundry! :)