Dear Readers

On Monday, in a moment of weakness, I pounded out a blog post titled "Frustration" and clicked publish.  The post was about the lack of comments recently and (in a nutshell) asked why. 

Almost immediately, I started receiving comments from some of my most loyal readers apologizing or explaining themselves.  These are readers that I respect and appreciate a lot; and, making anyone feel guilty or like they owed me an explanation for whether or not they commented was NOT my intention.  I took the post down 35 minutes later because I just didn't feel like it accurately reflected what I was thinking and feeling.  (All that's left now is a broken link in your reader - sorry for the teaser!)

In all honesty, I wrote the post primarily because I'm fed up with spam comments - you will see some below almost all of my previous posts advertising cigarettes or hemorrhoid cream, I'm not kidding.  I feel like I get at least one or two on almost every post lately; and, frankly, I am frustrated with them.  I've also been frustrated because little random things on my blog - including some new comment forums I had tried out etc. - seem to not be working; and, I'm at a loss as to how to fix it. Hopefully, some of you that also have blogs can relate to sometimes just being annoyed by the technology of it all. THAT was my frustration and the original intent of my post.

THAT SAID, as the comments continued to come in (most found their way to this post once the original was removed) and I read each one of them, and had some time to think about and process my feelings a little bit more, I realized a couple of things...

The truth is, I am human.  And, sometimes, I get carried away on my blog.  Last week, I was working so hard to crank out blog posts as part of my 31 series and keep up with some of the other topics, give aways, etc. I had planned to post about that I forgot - for a little bit - why I blog. I was looking at blogging as more of a JOB, and I was allowing your response and the number of comments etc. to determine the value of what I had to say. Without realizing it, I think some of my "frustrations" did come from a deeper place of insecurity and exhaustion and just... wanting approval/affirmation/whatever.

So, for that, I'm sorry.  I'm sorry if I made anyone feel like I was "accusing" them of something, or that I was "entitled" to a certain response etc.  I genuinely feel bad about that, and I'm ready to just move on and put that post behind me...

BUT, before I do that, there are a few other things I want to say in response to some of the comments you have shared in the last two days.  Many of your comments have really made me think & reflect on my life and my blog.  It has been a rather unexpected outcome of my crazy post on Monday, but a good one all the same.  Here is my response:

- First and foremost, I am SO THANKFUL for each and every one of you. You DO NOT owe it to me to come here and read what I have to say everyday, and you absolutely DO NOT owe it to me to leave comments.  But, you do it anyway.  YOU are the reason this blog has become such a safe place for me to share the realities of my life on both the good days and the bad days. You are such an encouragement to me and to each other.  I've said it before, but I can't say it too much, this little internet community is FAR beyond what I ever expected it to become.  I consider many of you my friends, and I find so much wisdom and support and laughter in what you have to say.  So, THANK YOU.

- And, to my 'Anonymous' Commenters, I actually think you gave me exactly what I asked for and you tried to be honest and real in a way that was still nice and (mostly) complimentary. I do wish that I had a name (and an email address) attached to your comments so that I could respond more personally, but I'm not mad, or even hurt, by what you said. I will not apologize for making my blog too much about motherhood, or even for the fact that it is less "fun" than it was in the beginning.  As some other commenters wrote, life changes.  My life has changed A LOT since I first started writing here, and one of the things I love most about my blog is the way it traces and records those changes. The truth is, life is harder now.  It is busier and more tiring and - sometimes - more frustrating than it was three years ago. BUT, it is also SO much more fun and rewarding and happy.  I am truly sorry if my blog has come across as discouraging or whiney.  That is NEVER what I want to represent. I KNOW that the chance to be a mother is an absolute blessing - and I never want to appear ungrateful or unhappy.  (And, honestly, I think if you read enough of what I write, that really does show through most of the time.) I write about the 'hard' things because I don't think the internet needs another "perfect" mom or "super-woman."  Quite the contrary, I want to encourage other women and other moms that they are not alone, that I 'get it,' and that being a "good" mom (or person, or whatever) isn't about how clean my house is, how well my kid talks, or how many craft projects I did last week.  I tried being that mom and it stressed.me.out.

So, 'Anonymous,' it's ok if that style doesn't speak to your life right now.  You really don't have to stick around - I'll be sad to see you go, but I understand. Maybe one day you will find yourself in a similar place, and you'll know where to come. :)

- And, last, some of you really did inspire some changes around here.  Here's what I'm going to DO about all this:

1. I'm going to try REALLY hard to respond to more of your comments.  I know how much it means to me when other bloggers send an email back in response to something I've said about one of their posts; and, that sometimes I get annoyed when people don't respond at all.  This is something I have NOT been good at - I admit - so I'm really going to work to improve that.  (P.S. Make sure you connect your email address to your blogger account, so I can do this!) 

and

2. I'm going to cut myself a break.  I like the "Lessons Learned in Motherhood" series, I'm just not crazy about the 31 days part.  (Let's face it - I'm not The Nester.) So, I'm going to finish it (because I don't want to just quit... I have the cute button and everything), but I'm going to take my time and sprinkle in a good bit of other stuff too - one.post.at.a.time.  We'll aim for December 31st, k?

Just because it makes me smile, and it perfectly captures my crazy, messy, wonderful life. :)

Ok, if you read all this, you really are loyal.  Thank you.  Love you!

P.S. If you happen to be new here, there isn't usually this much drama and sap.  Promise!