Deep Thoughts on a Thursday Night (not really)

Disclaimer: I feel the need to apologize in advance for this post. It has been one of those days, and I'm currently sitting in Starbucks drinking iced coffee (my body hardly even reacts to caffeine anymore, in case you are wondering) because my husband is amazing; and, I'm feeling a little scattered and a lot like just writing tonight. So bear with me... This is going to be a lot of words to get to some (not very) deep thoughts...

Today started out on a high note because I didn't have to fly out of bed at 6AM to run around the house like a chicken with my head cut off trying to at least pick up my dirty socks and put away the remnants of the previous night's dinner before the babysitter arrived.  (It is worth noting here that the reason I didn't have remnants to pick up is because we had a family date night at the local Sam's Club snack bar for dinner Wednesday night.  Yes, I just admitted that.) Anyway, instead, I slept in until  6:30 and then ran around like a chicken with my head cut-off in order to be teaching by 7:30.  Either way, I actually blow-dried my hair and wore a decently cute outfit (which is an accomplishment these days), so I deemed it a success.

Work was good too.  Have I mentioned lately that I love my job?  I'm teaching Romeo and Juliet in ninth grade which, truly, brings out the full-on English teacher nerd in me.  I love teaching it.  (Don't be confused though, I'm no Shakespeare aficionado - I've just been refining my lesson plan for this unit since my student teaching days, and it is pretty darn good ifidosaysomyself). Also, my tenth graders started this book today - which had them really interested and involved and (thanks to our all-sorts-of-mixed-up-weather) we got to sprawl out on the lawn and read in the 80 degree sunshine. Not a bad way to bring home the bacon. ;)

Later in the day, after Sam's nap, we took a walk in his wagon with our friends down the street, which was nice... until one of the other neighbors stopped us to congratulate me on my pregnancy.  (#notpregnant) In her defense, there are four of us young moms in one block on our street - and two of them are pregnant; but still... Just never do that, ok?

When I got home, I had a sudden burst of energy and decided (perhaps motivated by the pregnancy comment) to make a healthy dinner for us tonight.  I had salmon filets in the freezer (first mistake), a maple-dijon glaze recipe I'd been wanting to try for a while, and a new Barney video on Amazon Prime for Sam.  Anyway, I worked really hard on it; but, the fish turned out pale and slimy, Sam got bored of Barney and extra whiney, and Jeff was late coming home from work...  End result: We  picked at our plates for a while and then agreed that cereal was probably a better option.  Sam's Club one night and cereal the next - just call me Susie Homemaker. ;)

After "dinner," I announced that I needed some me time and headed to Target alone. Dream.

I had a fleeting low moment when I got there and realized my yoga pants were literally covered in dirty little hand prints; but, I got over that and quickly found my mo-jo again when I witnessed a mom go through the Target doors with her two little boys and head directly to the snack-bar where she purchased a large popcorn and Hawaiian punch to, presumably, sedate her kids while she shopped.  I think this is kind-of pathetic of me, but simply seeing that made me SO happy.  I love being in the mama club.  I love that we can "fake" it all we want, but we are all just doing the best we can. (Luckily for her, I busied myself in the jewelry section and resisted the urge to run up and hug her and say something along the lines of "I fed my son an unwashed strawberry yesterday, AND I've been wondering how young was too young to eat Target popcorn! Thank you!"  Self.control.) 

I browsed for over an hour, spent too much money (who has ever left Target without doing that?), and felt guilty.  But, I did get this cute shirt and some fun gifts for some friends about to have babies... So, I didn't feel that bad.

And, now, here I am at Starbucks...  When I bought my drink, I could have sworn I gave the man a 10 for my $4.00 bill (which may or may not have included a chocolate cake-pop #andiwonderwhypeoplethinkiampregnant), but he swore I gave him a 5.  We went back and forth for a few seconds, and it was awkward; but, in the end, I let him win... Then, I sat down at my table and checked my Target receipt and - well - it turns out there was absolutely no way I gave the guy a ten dollar bill.  I was wrong all along.  Worst... So, I had to go back and apologize and, for some reason,   it made me want to burst into tears.  #Whatiswrongwithme? #IpromiseIamnotpregnant!

This is the part where I need to admit that sometimes I really miss my "really stressful" college life...  Sometimes, I long to live with all my best friends in a big house and only really have my bedroom to keep neat again.  I miss being able to blow all my month's budget on one shopping trip and not really have to worry about it (except for knowing that I'd have to eat Ramen for a few weeks).  I miss having five hours to sit at Starbucks if I want to and being able to call it "studying."  I miss weighing 130 pounds and thinking that was fat.  It's funny how, in every stage it seems, I think I am so busy and so overwhelmed, and then the next stage makes that one look like a piece of cake (or a cake pop as the case may be).  I wonder if, one day, when I have a house full of teenagers, I will remember the days of only having one baby and working part-time, and think I had it so easy....

Anyway... I'm home now.  And, you know what?  My house is quiet.  Sam has been bathed and put to bed, the kitchen has been cleaned, and Jeff is sitting on the back deck having a beer with one of the neighbors (apparently both were on "dad duty" tonight and our boys had a wild evening of playing with the hose while I was gone).   Yes, my suitcase is still not unpacked from our trip to Fredericksburg almost a week ago, and I spent the entire hour I had at Starbucks blogging and not crossing one single thing off of my to-do list; but, our life is SO good. Despite all the ups and downs in a day, I wouldn't change a single thing about where I am right now.  Really.

Tomorrow is another day... Even better, it is a Friday and I won't have to wake up and frantically clean the kitchen in the morning (for the second day in a row!).  Tomorrow, I will go to a job I love.  Then, I will come home to a house that feels more like a home than I ever could have imagined it would.  I will take Sam to the playground behind us, and we will meet friends on the sidewalk out front.  Jeff will pick up a Little Caesar's deep dish pizza for dinner (because we hear they are really good and we may as well end the week with a bang, right?), and we will watch a movie after Sam goes to bed.

I will crawl into bed in a minute and remember how blessed I am. I will thank God for this life and smile realizing that it is exactly the life I dreamed about when I was in college.  It is good.

The end.  And happy Friday (tomorrow)!