Valentine's Day (Love Story Part III)

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm was home sick from work today --- I've been fighting a bad cold and decided rest was just what the doctor ordered (especially since most medicines aren't allowed anyway).  So, nothing too exciting to report; but, at least I got to be with my Valentine...

Tonight, Jeff is making one of my favorite chicken-in-the-crockpot dishes and we are planning on watching The Bachelor (my choice) and playing the board game Sequence (his).  I feel lucky and loved. 

Anyway, in honor of V-Day, I thought I'd finally write Part III of our "love story."  If you want to check out the first two parts click here and here.

...

The night before I left for Clemson, Jeff and I had a sweet dinner at a restaurant called The Angler. As a gift, I made him a little calendar of the next ten months that I'd be away, complete with all of our "visits" marked.  We didn't consider breaking up, but we also weren't naive about how hard long distance would be.

Jeff would be staying in Roanoke, attending a local college, and starting a new job.   We were excited about his opportunities, but knew that the transition into two such different worlds would not be easy. 

We were also a little crazy strict about our "visitation schedule." I wouldn't have a car at Clemson my first year, so seeing each other would be dependent on Jeff making the six hour trip and me finding a ride home for breaks etc.  We also knew that it was really important for us to make friends and establish an identity in college apart from each other... So, we decided we'd see each other once a month to start.  In hindsight, I think this decision was funny (four weeks felt sooo long) but, I think it made all the difference.  A LOT of couples don't make it from high school through college - especially at different colleges.  But, God really gave Jeff and I a wisdom beyond our ages (and, trust me, it didn't come from us) about how to allow ourselves the space we both needed to grow-up and figure out who we were during this important time of our lives.  I am more grateful for that time than I ever realized I would be.  And, I honestly believe that I love Jeff more and better because of it.

That first year, I spent many a night sitting in the hallway or in the bathroom talking to Jeff.  I cried a lot.  We cried a lot - every single time we left each other, to be exact.  If I'm being honest, I'll say that we fought a lot too.  We missed each other.  We got jealous.  We were "too busy" to talk and felt "left out" too often.

Our first year was not easy.  Our experiences were really different.  And, a lot of the time it felt like we couldn't really understand each other.  I remember going to a church that year that LOVED to preach on dating and marriage.  I would call Jeff every Sunday and demand that he be more of a "spiritual leader," when - in reality - I was really the one that needed to learn to relax and be led a little. (I could write a whole post on this... Maybe I will one day.)

But, we both believe (firmly) that love is work, and love is a choice.  I don't know why or how we got that when we were only eighteen, but we did.  When one of us was ready to "give up," the other was always confident and strong.  We knew that God is not a God of confusion, so we trusted that if it was ever time to "move on," we'd both be on board.  Jeff was patient with me.  He made lots of trips.  He spoiled me rotten with care packages and dates when we were together.  My new girlfriends thought I was the luckiest thing in the world, and the boys got to know Jeff and respected our relationship.  The more we got to know each other's "new lives" the easier it became.

We grew up a lot that year.  I, especially, learned a lot about my God and who He made me.  And, how to love.  In fact, at the end of the year, we even decided that long distance WAS good for us... And Jeff accepted his admission into Virginia Tech for the following year and turned down his offer from Clemson.

The next three years brought many more trials and great experiences for both of us.  We each made lifelong friends and continued to learn about ourselves and our relationship.  Our Junior Year, we even got to spend six months in London together through a Study Abroad program that both of our colleges supported.  To date, it was one of the most wonderful things I've ever done... And, I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else.

I'd say, early on, we both knew we were in this for the long haul.  I am SO thankful for God's protection in our lives and for giving us that peace early on.  However, we had NO IDEA what that meant, or what the road to "the long haul" would look like...

TO BE CONTINUED... (Read Part 4 - My Milk & Honey story - here.)

I love you Jeff.  Happy Valentine's Day!! I'm sure we never would have imagined that we'd be where we are today nine years ago... But, I love you more now than ever before!  Thank you for being my valentine, my best friend, and the only person in the world I'd want to go on this adventure of life with.

My Milk & Honey Story (Love Story Part 4)

You might want to read this post first for a little context. :)

Photo Credit

As girls, we are often told that when we meet "Mr. Right" we will "just know."  I didn't know.  I was seventeen... At the very most, I was expecting to have a pretty cute boyfriend for the summer and maybe a little longer... Someone to make me feel good about myself, and take me on fun dates, and to hang pictures of in my dorm room.

Then a year passed.  And, then another.  And, even, another.  

By the time we were Juniors in college, Jeff and I had been together longer than ANY couples I knew, and I just expected that we would be the first to get married.  After all, I had worked the hardest for it.  We had been "Biblical" about our relationship, and "obedient."  I'd prayed a lot about it.  And, God had even changed my heart and given me a real DESIRE to be a wife... above and beyond any of the other hopes and plans I'd had for my life at the time.  We had been through three years of long distance, a lot of changes and personal development, and; well... it was just TIME.  

As spring of that year rolled around, the first of my best friends had gotten engaged.  That was OK, because they'd been together about as long as us, and both of them were graduating in December.  I could deal with that.  But, by the time the next two got engaged --- both of whom I'd watched actually meet & start dating --- I was beginning to lose my patience.  It was MY turn!!  I felt entitled to a diamond, and a husband, and a happily ever after.  I deserved it.  It was my plan, and I'd worked hard to put it into action.

That summer, the pressure became too much for Jeff.  He loved me, but... he didn't know that I was supposed to be his wife.  (He might say he never actually said this... But, it is what I heard loud and clear.) I was really heart broken.  How had I spent the past almost four years of my life with someone - in a long distance relationship no less, only to find out that he doesn't KNOW if I'm "the one"?  I felt lonely, and frustrated, and hurt.  

After a month of "solitude" working at a camp in Missouri where cell phone access/communication was limited.  I thought, for sure, I would have a peace.  But, God continued to be silent.

When I got home, Jeff and I decided to "take a break."

This was NOT the direction I'd planned for that summer!

I made him promise me during that break, that we wouldn't get back together until he "knew."  But - unfortunately for me - God doesn't really work that way.  It isn't about my time line or my expectations. 

Although we ended up "back together," that fall semester of 2005 (my last at Clemson) was one of the hardest and driest periods of my life.  I felt God wouldn't give me ANY answers --- he wouldn't tell me that it was TIME for Jeff and I to get married; but he also wouldn't let me just move on and give up.  I cried a lot of tears that semester.  I felt stuck.  Should I move back home to be closer to him?  OR, should I go on some wild adventure and let him figure things out on his own?  

If I'd been the author of this story, I'd have let me go ahead and get engaged that summer.  I had learned A LOT about trusting the Lord, and about trusting Jeff.  I had also learned not to put my hope or identity in how Jeff made me feel, or how much he loved me.  I had grown.  I had done the hard work.

BUT... God is the perfect writer.  

We got engaged in December of 2006 - almost TWO years after my heart first started yearning (and expecting) it.  We were married that summer.

And, it truly was PERFECT TIMING.  

Trust me, it is easier to say that now - that the waiting is over. (At least that type of waiting.)  But, it's true.

I didn't have the huge engagement celebration with every one of my college friends on the night he proposed, like I'd imagined.  (Although most of them did surprise me two weeks later in a gas station bathroom on the side of the interstate... But, that's another story.)  And, I didn't get to shop for bridesmaids dresses and flip through wedding magazines with my roommates.

BUT, I did get to plan my wedding with my mom.  And, still, that season is one of the sweetest, most wonderful times in my relationship with her.  I couldn't have done that if I'd been at Clemson.

I DID know myself, and my God better.  I WAS more ready.  

So today, in the midst of a little "wilderness," I remember my "land of milk and honey."  

God's plans are NOT my plans.  But... Thank Goodness!!

I'd make a mess of things if it was all up to me! :)

(I hope you find some encouragement in my little - and I know it is in the grand scheme of things - story... There are lots more POWERFUL stories of "Getting Real" here.)

Three Years! (Love Story Part II)

I would like to now interrupt all the travel/packing programming to wish my wonderful husband a Happy THREE YEAR Anniversary!!! To date, our wedding day was still the happiest day of my life --- you just can't beat marrying your best friend in front of all the people you love in the world!  But, marriage just keeps getting BETTER & BETTER!!  I LOVE you, and I can't think of a more wonderful way to celebrate three years together than a cross country adventure.  (P.S. We leave TODAY!)

Photo by Paul Calhoun Photography

To celebrate, I thought I'd continue our "Love Story" that I started several weeks ago... (To read the first part, click here.)

...
After my first real heartbreak, I had a rough couple of months.  I honestly had convinced myself that this boy was the one God had sent me because Jeff wasn't the right one... Oh so confusing for a young heart!  But, also during that time, Jeff and I began to see more of each other and became really great friends.  And, looking back, it is obvious that we did little things that summer all the time to find ourselves together, like the time we "got lost" on the way home from the lake because Jeff and I both just HAD to be home by dinner.  (Nevermind that he took our friend's Cutlass off-roading and we didn't make it back before ten.)

We spent so much time together (or talking on the phone), in fact, that by fall of our senior year I was CERTAIN he would take me to homecoming.  (This was after a horrible Junior Prom debacle in which Jeff refused to go at all, and I ended up taking a stranger - literally - who had broken his leg the night before in a soccer game... Oh, don't get me started!)  But, alas, Jeff asked someone else.  Ironically, the same girl he had dated just before me four years earlier when we were in ninth grade.

To say I was sad would be an understatement, but, this just confirmed that we were "only friends."  I asked a good friend to homecoming (which was still several weeks away) and Jeff and I continued to talk often and spend time together, even as he "dated" someone else. 

Finally, around the beginning of September, I specifically remember a conversation that we had: I told him that I felt like I was making enemies with his new "girlfriend" and her friends because we spent so much time together, and that as long as he was dating her he would have to stop calling me etc.  And, that was that.

Then, in early October, my best friend's dad passed away unexpectedly.  It was a horribly sad time, and I threw myself into being a good friend and loving her.  That night, I also started a new job at a coffee shop.  So, while everyone else had gone to an out of town football game to "get their mind off of things," I was stuck in Roanoke.  I assumed I'd spend the night by myself; but, when I got off work at eleven, Jeff's car was in the parking lot.  It was the first time we'd really talked in a month or so; and, for the record, he wasn't dating the girl anymore!  I was a wreck that night, but Jeff had stayed home from the game just to drive around and listen to me.  (I could still tear up thinking about how much that meant to me that night!)

A little more time passed, and we continued to be friends.  And then, on October 29th, 2001, late at night on the phone, he finally told me that he wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend.  I'm sure I didn't sleep a wink that night!

From there, things got more "boyfriend/girlfriendish."  Our first official date, although we'd been spending time together one-on-one for sometime, was just watching the movie Shrek in his basement.  (I give Shrek a lot of credit for our relationship!)

We dated our entire senior year and then, finally, went to a dance together - Senior Prom.  (Picture here.)

Although I think we fell pretty hard that first year, we weren't your standard "puppy love" couple.  Jeff (especially) was pretty private about our relationship, and we both agreed that maintaining friendships etc. was really important.  Also, one of our first conversations - very early on - involved Jeff saying something along the lines of "I don't want to just be together for a few months and then go off to college and break up. If that's your intention, let's just not even start this in the first place..."  SO, even after I accepted my spot at Clemson University in South Carolina (6 hours away), we weren't doing the "I guess our time's up" dance...

... Oh, it's not over yet! Stay tuned for more on long distance dating, the college years, and engagement! :)

My Love Story

[Back-Linked on 6/24/10]
 

First of all, can you please just play - or at least imagine - a Taylor Swift song playing in the background of this post?  (Any song will do.) Thanks!

So, let's be honest, boys weren't really throwing themselves at me in middle school and high school.  For starters, I was "a prude." I also have freckles, which didn't help my case.  Either way, I cried after my first kiss in eighth grade so, I resigned myself to being a nun early in life.  ;)

In ninth grade, Jeff and I went on approximately four dates.  That is, of course, only if you consider your parents driving you to school dances in the backseat of the family van a date.  Then, out of no where - just when I thought things were beginning to get serious - he broke up with me on AOL.  (How could he?!?)

Lucky for him, he was just a little too late and I'd already decided he was the love of my life.  He could run, but he couldn't hide! For the next two years, I took every opportunity to humiliate myself convince Jeff that we should be together.  I wrote in a journal my sophomore year: "God, if you don't want us to be together, why can't you just let me GET OVER THIS BOY? I know there is something special about him."  (And trust me, I believed this with every ounce of my fifteen year old self.) 

Although he said 'no' all THREE times I asked him to dances etc., for some reason Jeff kept coming around.  Our lives, by this point, had taken dramatically different routes.  He became one of the "cool kids" who snuck out and drank, and I took on the role of "good girl" -- complete with Student Government, Young Life, and the newspaper staff.  While Jeff's friends made fun of me in the halls, my friends and I made up nicknames to talk about him ("the Rat" if you must know), listened to sappy KC & JoJo love songs, and drove by his house most Friday nights. I can pretty much guarantee you that if you asked ANYONE who knew us then if we'd ever get married, they'd give it a 1 in 25856784923 chance... (There was probably a better chance that he'd take out a restraining order and I'd end up in jail!)

Then, finally, my junior year, I had my first real boyfriend.  He was a great guy and perfectly fit the image of "Miss Christianity" I was going for...  For the first time in two years, I didn't think about Jeff all the time.  After all, he wasn't the "kind of guy" I was looking for.  Meanwhile, however, Jeff was going through his own transformation.  And, while I'd like to take credit for it, I can't at all.  He had become a Christian that winter and started hanging out with my group of friends - you know, the ones I ditched as soon as I got a boyfriend.  (Oh, high school!)

Ironically, the night I got dumped - and trust me, I mourned - when I called a girlfriend to cry, Jeff answered the phone.  And... the rest is history....  (Yeah right!) 

To be continued...