So Much More (an Allume Recap... Kinda)

Not one but TWO mornings last week, I overslept.  As in, twice (in a row, as it was) I had to call my co-teacher at 7:30 (which is when classes start), apologize profusely, and ask him to cover for me until I could get there.  We won't even talk about the bags under my eyes or my hair those days...

Sometimes being a "hot mess" is cute or funny or relate-able (especially on the blog); but, in real life, it usually looks more like irresponsible, chaotic, frazzled, and even downright rude. 

I like to be positive here.  I like to spread the message that God's grace is enough and its OK to be a hot mess; but, lately, I've been hearing a quiet voice inside me say - "You're right.  My grace IS enough.  BUT, I have so much more for you."

I've written before about my desire to find a balance between those two things - grace that covers every single thing I've ever done and will ever do; and, the fact that God has given me free will and talents and responsibilities, and I should be a good steward of those things.  I tend to function in a black and white world by nature, and this area feels very gray.  

What would my life look like if I honestly believed (and lived like I believe) that my behaviors - how good I am at being a mom, a wife, a teacher, a friend, etc. - do not define me, that I am 100% loved and accepted by God just as I am; BUT, also, that he has called me to a life that is BIG.  A life that is FULL.  A life that does not settle for merely surviving - anxious, guilty, and tired?  What is keeping me from living that life?

At Allume, Melanie Shankle taught from 2nd Samuel chapter 7, about King David.  She said, "God DOES give us more than we can handle... This teaches us who He is and forces us to rely on Him.  HE can handle it... God did not choose David because he knew he would be perfect.  He chose him because he knew would mess up and have to rely on God."

Um... Wow. 

I love that this place is about not being perfect.  It is true.  I am NOT.  

We need that place where we can kick off our high heels and sit amidst the toys and dog hair of REAL life and laugh and cry and admit that we don't look like the perfectly polished photo of us on the sidebar.  We need that, and this blog will continue to be that place.

BUT, more than that, we need the message that we are REDEEMED.  That those imperfections DO NOT define us.  They simply point us more to Jesus.

Over the last two years, I've gotten pretty darn good at showing myself grace - at accepting that I'm not the mom I thought I "should be," the house keeper my mother was, or the crafty, DIY decorator Pinterest wants me to be.  BUT, if I'm really being honest with myself, it's still all about me - what I can and can't do, instead of what He has already done. 

I need more Jesus.  

Also at Allume, I attended a session on "branding yourself" by Holly Gerth.  At first, attending this session wasn't even on my radar because something about branding yourself screamed "narcissist" to me.  (Funny coming from someone who's blog title is E, Myself, and I, right?).  But, Holly's description of your personal brand being "a promise to your readers that you will be the same wherever they find you" intrigued me.  Was that true of me?

Holly's breakout session ended up being one of the most influential ones I attended.  I LOVE this message about "branding" and blogging... "Saying that you have a brand does not mean that you are 'corporate' or 'marketing.' It means that you are very clear about WHO you are and WHAT God has called you to do."

I've been thinking about this the last week and a half; and, through good conversations with people who know me and my heart well, along with several quiet hours in the car alone on my trip this weekend, I'm beginning to craft a vision for this blog.  I'm beginning to give up some control (remember my theme for the year?) and give in to what God wants to do here.

I've updated my "About Me" page to reflect more of that.  More of Him. 

Have a look:

I don't intend for this blog to become a "Religion" blog or for every post to be deep and spiritual.  Not at all.  I think the mark of a good friendship is to be just as comfortable talking about nail polish colors, crock pot recipes, and potty-training as you are talking about the real stuff, the hard stuff.  I think being able to laugh together - really laugh - is just as important as being able to sit in complete silence together.  So, don't worry.

But, if I'm really about being real, then you need to know what's behind me.  What's going on in this little heart and mind.  That's it.

P.S. I announced the winner of the October Sponsor Give Away here.  Was it you?!?!

The Biggest Thing I Learned at Blogher

Hi friends!!  I'm back home after a great trip to Chicago!!!

It was a whirlwind, and it was wonderful, and I'm excited to tell you more about my experience in the next few days; but, tonight I wanted to pop in and share the biggest thing I learned at Blogher...

Yes, I learned a lot about the blogging industry and felt both challenged and inspired by some of the "experts" in the field; but, more than anything else, I realized while I was there that I care a lot more about connecting with YOU than I do about connecting with big brands or big bloggers....

I know absolutely nothing about search engine optimization (and I really have no interest in learning it), I don't have an email newsletter for my blog (nor do I plan on starting one), and I'm pretty much doing Twitter and Facebook totally wrong. 

BUT, despite all that (and maybe partly because of it), we've got a good thing going here.

I don't just write for myself.  As I've said before (and many of your mentioned again in the comments of last week's post), if I wanted to just write for myself, I would keep a journal.  I also don't just write for free stuff, fame, or money.

I think all of those things are awesome "bonuses" to blogging.  Writing makes me happy and helps me process things in my life.  It's fun to get free stuff or have a stranger say "I read your blog" in the elevator.  And, as little as it may be, it is nice to be recognized and (occasionally) compensated for the time and energy I put in to blogging.

But, FAR beyond any of those things, I blog because of YOU.

You guys - my fellow mommas, teachers, girlfriends, and formerly Type A hot messes - you guys, are my people.

So, thanks.  Thanks for making this fun.  Thanks for genuinely caring about me and the people I love and write about.  Thanks for leaving comments, and sending emails, and just showing up. Thanks for making me feel like my voice is worth being heard, and that I'm not the only one wearing a bathing suit bottom as underwear because I haven't done laundry in a week (oh, maybe that really is just me). 

Thanks for being my people.

P.S. My roommate for Blogher, Heather (from Desperately Seeking Sanity), has been reading my blog for a while.  On Saturday morning, after she had to drag me  out of bed like a teenager for an appointment I was clearly going to be late for, she said (with love and in good humor): "I used to think you really did have it together from reading your blog; now that I've spent time with you, I realize you aren't exaggerating when you say that you DO NOT." I felt kind-of proud. ;)

Three Years: A Blog Purpose Statement

Three years ago today, I sat down in this very same spot to start this thing... Three years ago today, I was 25 years old and living your typical DINK (dual-income-no-kids) life. I had been married for almost two years, just finished my second year of teaching high school, and was spending my summer organizing and decorating my house.  I was obsessed with my dog, I had lofty plans of losing twenty plus pounds, and I had dreams of becoming a mom in the near future.  I started this blog because, as much as I preached the importance of writing to my students, it had been a long time since I'd written anything for fun... for myself...

October 2009

Although outwardly not that much has changed since then (with the exception of a baby, obviously), I feel very different.  I know myself so much better today than I did three years ago; and, as dorky as this sounds, I really do credit this creative outlet and community for much of that.

Christmas 2009

Three years ago today, I could never have guessed that this blog would see me through so many different seasons of "growing up."  On these pages (I guess you can call them that), I have chronicled a cross country road trip, months of trying to sell our house and finally deciding to stay put, the loss of my sweet Granny, a pregnancy, a colicky newborn, a new job, adjusting to being a working mom, several seasons of The Bachelor, and more than a dozen plans to "lose twenty plus pounds." ;) I also could never have guessed how much I would come to love this place and the people who meet me here.  How much I would learn from and value this community.  How much blogging would become a part of my life and my identity.  Heck, three years ago, I would have made fun of someone who said things like "how much blogging would become a part of my life and my identity."

July 2010

Anyway, so here we are today... Ironically, I'm in a bit of a "blogging dry spell" right now.  And so, I thought it was the perfect time to remind myself why I do this and what it is all about.  Here's a little Purpose Statement for E, Myself, and I... It's about time, don't you think?

Christmas 2010

1. This blog is for me.

I started this blog to restore my love for writing and help me to carve out time for writing regularly.  For three years now, it has done that.  It has also served as a place to connect with other women, find encouragement, get advice, and (perhaps most importantly) document my life.  This is the closest thing I have to a journal or a baby book for Sam.  It is one of the most selfish things I do every day, but I consider it selfish in the same way I'd consider exercise or an occassional Girls' Night selfish.  It is good for my soul. 

This blog is NOT for making money, becoming famous, getting a book deal, or making new friends (although all of those things are/would be wonderful bonuses).  Would I still write if no one read?  I don't know.  BUT, I do know that if this blog ever becomes about those things, it won't be read anyway...  It will have lost its purpose.  It won't be worth my time and energy.  It will be over.

June 2011

2. This blog is for real life.

If you are looking for a blog full of crafty DIY projects or photos of a perfectly kept house and six-pack abs, you may as well keep looking...

I'm not quite sure how I fell into this "niche" of being a REAL mom, but I LOVE it.  I love that this is a place where I can admit that I do not have it all together, ask questions, be vulnerable, and not take myself (or life in general) too seriously. 

I NEVER want this to be a place where we fall into the trap of comparison or discontentment; but instead, I want it to be a place full of encouragement, community, and laughter.  I want to be able to admit when I feel the need to throw an impressive birthday party, show you what a disaster my guest room is, and confess that I eat too much fast food and consider breastfeeding exercise.

July 2011

3. This blog is for good.

If you've been reading E, Myself, and I for any time, my hope is that you recognize it as a place that builds up instead of tearing down. 

I'm not afraid of a little self-deprecating humor; but, you won't find me bashing other people, speaking disrespectfully about the people I love, using bad language, or writing about crude topics.  Likewise, although I try not to be a Bible-beater about it, I pray that my faith would be evident in my life and in my writing, and that Jesus would be glorified through this place. 

I am not ashamed of anything I write here, and - while I try to show both the ups and downs of life - I am proud to say that it is an accurate reflection of who I am and what I believe. 

October 2011

So, that's it... My Blog Purpose Statement.  THANK YOU for keeping this thing alive, for following me through so many different seasons, and for seeing my heart on the pages of E, Myself, and I.

April 2012

Here's to another three years!