Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Operation Bikini Bottoms

Woot woot!  I'm doing my first ever Guest Post today over at Sonja's For the Love of Stilettos as part of her Operation Bikini Bottoms series.  (Shh... I would never wear stilettos... but I DO love her fun, girly blog!) Go check out my post and stay awhile to look around.  You will not be disappointed.  (Or, you can just read it below... but that's a little lame.)

Ok ladies, if you are anything like me, now that Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Valentine's Day, and the Chinese New Year are over, you have absolutely NO excuse NOT to get started on Operation Bikini Bottoms.  (Or, let's face it, you just watched The Bachelor in St. Lucia and never want to see yourself in the mirror again!) 

A good first step? Making the dreaded pilgrimage to the gym. Trust me, I know first hand, the insecurities this can bring up.  Seriously, I often consider lipo, a spray tan, and a whole new wardrobe just to show my face among those girls who seem to OWN the treadmills and stairsteppers.   So, to prepare you, I'd like to introduce you to a few regulars...

1.) The Crazy Kickboxer. Danger - Objects are Closer than They Appear.  You may THINK that attending a class is a safe way to ease into exercise; but, beware, Crazy Kickboxer makes sudden movements with absolutely NO regard to the rest of the room.  She will do her own moves at lightening speed and, occasionally, even plug her ears with her fingers to block out the music. It will be difficult, but you should avoid watching her at all costs to eliminate the risk of a.) being completely confused about the routine and b.) throwing up.  For an extra challenge, imagine HER face when boxing. 

2.) The Pregnant Instructor.  Yes, she has a belly the size of a watermelon, but she continues to wear trendy lycra hip-huggers, proudly flashes her bellybutton, and can WHIP your butt at Step Class --- even doing the harder "Option A" when you opt for the "Walking in Place" option instead, because YOU feel like you might go into labor at any moment.

3.) The Old Friend.  You know the one.  She was "chubby" in high school, but has since lost thirty pounds, while you have gained a pound (or five) per year.  She will undoubtedly NOT drop a single bead of sweat, and WILL be able to carry on a full fledge conversation catching up on the last ten years of your life WHILE lifting weights and doing crunches.  You will inevitably be wearing too-tight of shorts and feeling especially fat on the day when you run into her.

4.) The Inappropriate Dresser.  A man in jeans.  A woman in a camo skirt.  A girl in a white sports bra. ANYONE in a spandex leotard.  Need I go on?

Now that these "familiar faces" have been identified and dealt with... You should feel free to lace up your own tennis shoes and hit the sweat station.  Afterall, there will always be someone who looks MORE ridiculous than you!  Bikini Bottoms - here we come! :)


Oh, and one last day to leave a comment here for a prize. :)

4 comments:

  1. Clearly you have never seen me work out in a leotard.

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  2. Oh My goodness!!! I am cracking up!!! this is all true!! you should have seen the 3 dudes that joined our body combat class yesterday.... I WAS COVERING MY HEAD... afraid of swinging jabs!!!

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  3. mom just said dudes.. haha. cute blog girl bear.

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  4. just a lurker--- you are hilarious! Love your posts!

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Your comments are what makes this thing fun! I LOVE to hear from you and do my best to respond to everyone! THANK YOU!


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