(That title sounds like the name of a dirty soap-opera, doesn't it? Don't worry, no sex or scandals here... Just a pregnant woman being real about some of the less-glamourous sides of preparing for a baby.)
First off, I'm fat. Not like chubby or cute, just fat. I've gained A LOT of weight so far in this pregnancy. Twenty pounds at 24 weeks, to be exact. Maybe this doesn't sound horrible to you, but consider this: my doctor told me at the beginning of my pregnancy that he would prefer I only gain 20 - 25 pounds the ENTIRE time. Awesome. I don't really know why I'm sharing this... I've tried to be kind-of private about my weight since getting pregnant; but, I do want to be real on my blog. I'm just going to be honest and say I'm tired of all the adorable bloggers who gain 15 pounds total and never have to switch to maternity clothes. Maybe that is/will be you. But, if so, you are one of the LUCKY ones. My reality has not been like that.
I'd like to blame my weight gain on Baby C. But, according to our doctor's appointment yesterday, he weighs 1.5 pounds. That'll make a big mama feel good! ;) If I'm really being truthful, I have let myself splurge and eat whatever I want during this pregnancy. I've also all but given up on any form of physical exercise. On the one hand, I really want to be able to do that --- when else can you and not be judged? But, on the other, I'm ashamed and wish I'd made wiser eating and exercising decisions from the beginning. At this point, there really isn't much I can do about those 20 pounds except try to slow down the remaining weight gain. (Which, just in case you didn't know, will be difficult since the third trimester is when you are supposed to gain about 50% of your weight.) Awesome.
My other confession. My house is a DISASTER these days. We finally decided to set up a nursery where we are (yes, the house is still on the market but we haven't had much interest and we aren't really pursuing it further). In fact, my sweet husband is at home painting as I type. I am so so excited about this! BUT, the result has been total chaos. My upstairs looks like a tornado hit it. There is a TV in the middle of the office floor, a stroller filled with miscellaneous baby items in our bedroom, and we won't even discuss the guest room. Meanwhile, the downstairs isn't much better.
My parents obviousl, agree with my sentiments, as they cut out (and so kindly labeled) this comic for me from Sunday's paper: (j/k Mom & Dad, I know you love me... mess or not!)
Funny huh? Maybe. Except my house ALREADY looks like that and I can't blame an infant. I'm not going to lie... As my due date gets closer and closer and the reality that I will almost definitely go back to work afterwards sets in, I have a good bit of anxiety about how I will function. We will most definitely need a live-in cleaning lady... Which will kind-of defeat the purpose of me going back to work in the first place. Oy vey! (P.S. One of my first thoughts when I read this was: "What's the point of a chocolate IV, then you wouldn't be able to taste it!" See above point.)
And finally, I just haven't felt like a good friend lately. This probably bothers me even more than the above two complaints/confessions. I feel busy and, in all honesty, self-absorbed. It's been weeks since I've talked to some of my very closest friends. I value friendships SO much, and I KNOW how much I will need them after Baby C is born. So, I'm frustrated that they seem hard to me right now. Like, if given the choice between a nap and a walk or phone call with a buddy, I'd almost always choose the nap. Friends, I'm really sorry. Thank you for loving me despite this phase. I promise, one day, I'll repay the favor.
Ok... that's enough whining for one day. Thank you for listening. I'm not looking for sympathy in return; but really, it feels good to get some of that off my chest. Maybe to some of you who are also pregnant or just going through a transition stage in life, it will provide some comfort that you are not alone. We don't have to be supermoms, even BEFORE baby is born!
And, at the end of the day, no matter what these days look like... THIS makes it all worth it:
That's my little man at his 24 weeks appointment yesterday. Everything is still looking perfect. And, I'm convinced he's going to be a pistol - just look at the way he's flexing those guns already! :)