Tuesday, May 31, 2011

This Stage

Although quite a few items were scratched off of our massive "TO DO BEFORE BABY" list this weekend, I spent a good portion of it complaining, pouting, and - yes - crying.  I think I have entered two distinct phases of pregnancy at precisely the same time: The nesting/everything-has-to-be-and-look-perfect-when-baby-arrives stage and the whiny/miserable/my-feet-look-like-marshmallows-I-can't-bend-over-I'm-tired-after-vacuuming-one-room-and-I-sweat-profusely stage.  Let me tell you... These two stages DO NOT coincide well.

With less than seven weeks until my due date, I can't afford to NOT be productive right now.  In a lot of ways, we could be ready for a baby if we had to..  We have the crib, pack-n-play, and changing table set up.  We have some diapers on hand.  We have clean burp clothes and newborn clothes.  But on the other, there is still sooo much to do.   On top of that, I'm hyper-sensitive about every single little black mark on the wall, dust bunny on the bookshelf, or out of place paintbrush in the basement.  Any one of those single things might throw me into a panic attack at any given point... I'm not lying (ask Jeff, bless his heart). I know our sweet little guy isn't going to care one.single.bit if I have a kitchen cabinet cleaned out for his feeding gear, or if the basement is clutter-free; but, still, there is something about me right now that just CAN NOT let those things go.  (Moms, tell me this is normal!)

Then, there's the uncomfortable, eight-months pregnant side of me.  This side of me cannot be productive to save my life.  Physically, I HAVE TO take a break every hour or so, and I just don't have much "get up and go" the rest of the time.  What used to take me six hours, now takes me four days.  This is the truth.  And, mentally, don't even get me started.  I cannot focus on ANYTHING.  Even centering a photo in a photo album has proven to be a near impossible task these days.

To be vulnerable for a second, I'm kind-of a weepy mess.  I need a cleaning lady, errand-runner, chef, and masseuse - pronto!  I am SO excited for our little boy to arrive... And, I want him to grow in my belly for as long as he needs to be perfectly healthy and strong (trust me, I need the extra time)... But, at least once a day I wish I could fast forward the clock to about mid-July and everything be done - including labor - so I could just snuggle my baby in a nice, clean, perfectly organized house.  Am I crazy?

In the meantime, I am clinging to the fact that I only have two more weeks of school.  I know things will be easier when I am home full-time and don't feel the pressure to squish everything into the weekends.  And, I am SOOOOO thankful for my amazing husband.  Seriously, even despite starting a brand new job, I have never seen him more productive and energized around the house - not to mention his INCREDIBLE patience with me and this weird place I'm in.  Ya'll pray for him.

Just a little vent today.  Life is still good.  I'm happy, and thankful... But tired. 

Have a nice four day week!


  1. I know exactly how you feel! I just had by baby boy 11 weeks ago. I can get really anxious if things aren't EXACTLY how I expect them to be. I was exhausted during my last trimester, and couldn't get everything done the way I wanted. Turns out baby wanted to come 4 weeks early, and his glider didn't even come in until he was 2 weeks old! Sometimes you've just gotta take a deep breath and remember that in the end all that matters is that you have a healthy little boy!! Good luck!

  2. I am feeling your pregnancy pains. I'm not a huge cryer, in fact, I think I've been less weepy while pregnant...until now. I think the emotional toll that we're going through here at the end can make everything seem so much bigger than it really is. Just think, after school gets out you'll have your days to clean, organize and relax as you please. Hang in there! :)


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