|Why I'm Breaking|
I always saw myself as the mother that would end up with all boys.
Coming from a house of all girls (three to be exact), it just seemed like it would be a better "fit" for me ... Something that I'd be able to keep up with and wholly enjoy.
I guess it all stems from the fact that I've never been very girly ...
Ponytails were always my hairstyle of choice.
Powdering my face with dust from the softball field was more appealing than powdering it with actual make-up.
Skirts and dresses were for church (or funerals).
Batman was way cooler than My Little Pony.
Boys were better left as friends ... And nothing more (a stance I held until I was seventeen).
Being a mother to all boys just made sense, and, after having one of my own, I quickly found that it was very comfortable for me ...
In some ways, even easy.
So, on March 15th of last year, when the doctor announced "it's a little girl!" and placed the newborn baby in my waiting arms, my world was thrown off of its axis.
So much for "all boys!"
But, in retrospect, it hasn't been all that bad (or scary) so far ...
It's sort of funny, but now that I have a daughter, I am seeing myself in a whole different light. I may have been a tomboy for most of my life, but I truly do have a lot to offer a girl of my own.
Lots of important lessons that I can teach ...
There is strength in "being your own person" and never really following the crowd (even if the crowd consists of a bunch of teenage girls).
A brain and some confidence are so much sexier than a trendy outfit.
It is possible to fulfill multiple obligations (to be mother, wife, friend, sister, daughter, working woman, etc.) ... And to fulfill them well!
Truly, the longer I am greeted by Pearl's smiling face each morning, the more I realize how silly I was to think that raising a girl would be inherently harder than raising a boy. While I am well aware that the challenges (she's going to be a teenaged girl one day ...) are spread out before me, the most important things remain the same.
Any child of mine will have esteem and self-worth, to know that they are valuable exactly as they are.
Any child of mine will know unconditional love, no matter what trouble (or lack of trouble) they may find themselves in.
Boy or girl, I will be the best mother that I can be.
So, although I didn't expect this life (I wholeheartedly expected Pearl to be a boy), I am so happy that it is mine.
When Pearl arrived, my entire mindset changed (it had to!). Our family changed, and with it, so did my attitude about "daughters being difficult."
Because she is not just a daughter.
She is my daughter.
And, as we approach her first birthday, I can honestly say that I am proud to be the mother of a little girl.
I am so excited to see where this journey will take us!