Monday, March 18, 2013

Guest Post: A Third Baby?

Jeff and I have always known that we want to have a sibling for Sam (Lord willing) when the time is right.  But, both coming from a family with two kids, we are often torn when it comes to deciding about a third (or fourth) child.  Luckily, we don't have to make any choices on that one any time soon; but, my guest poster today - Meghan - is in the throes of that discussion with her husband NOW.  Are you and your husband 100% on the same page about the number of kids you want to have, or do you - like Meghan - have some convincing to do? :)

Why I'm Breaking
Hi, I'm Meghan. I'm a former first grade teacher now at home full time with a much smaller class size - two little girls. :) I've been reading Elizabeth's blog for a few years, and I love her sense of humor. Her writing always makes me laugh. I think her little guy is a real cutie, and I can't believe how quickly he has grown - right here on the Internet! :)

I imagine Sam's parents are starting to think about having another baby at some point in the future. It's only natural to do so. And right around that baby's first birthday, people seem to start asking about the next. I remember that with my oldest, and I was totally surprised...maybe a little offended even. You've finally made it to that first birthday. You've made it through the first year - with your FIRST child. And you're still alive...and still married. The first year with the first is the hardest in my opinion. I wasn't really ready to plan for that second baby at the time. We knew we wanted one. We hoped we'd have one, but we were still trying to figure out the whole parenting thing, and it was only starting to become a little bit easier at that point.

Fast forward to my oldest's second birthday, and we were ready and waiting. It seemed like the perfect timing. Emily was born just three months shy of Julia's third birthday. She is completely different from her big sister in every way, and this second time around thing have been so much easier. I mean, as easy as having two kiddos can be. :)

So much easier, in fact, that lately I've been finding myself looking at that sweet ten month old and thinking about a third. Baby number three. I've always imagined a bigger family. Not that three is that many, but it's bigger than two. And then instead of people asking when a third will be joining our group, we're asked if we're done with two. Or if we're going to go for a boy. Which I again find slightly offensive, because I'd be just as happy to have a third girl. Isn't it funny - the things people presume? :)

Before we had kids, my husband and I always talked about two or three. I look at both girls, and I can pretty much imagine our life with just them. But I can also picture us with one more. But one more means a lot of things, which make my husband super nervous. One more means a few more years before I will go back to teaching. One more means another round of sleepless nights, breastfeeding schedules, and pumping before bed (the worst!). One more means a car big enough to hold three car seats. One more means another college education to save for. And the older the second baby gets, the easier it is to imagine being done. At two. Because they just keep getting easier. (Said the mom who hasn't had teenagers yet...)


So when I talk to my husband about maybe one more, I can tell he gets a little stressed. He's not fully on board. In fact, he has called me a baby hoarder on more than one occasion. I quickly remind him that two children is not considered hoarding. Is three? :) I don't think it is. But I just don't have that feeling of being done yet. Going from one to two was a no brainer, but two to three seems like such a struggle. I am getting older. If I don't make a decision in the next year or so, a third will put me into the 35 and older geriatric pregnancy category. (Can you believe they call it that?)

Meanwhile my husband is moving exersaucers out to the garage and going through closets asking about donating tiny tubs of clothing. I want to yell, "Wait! We might need those." Ugh. I'm sweaty just thinking about it.


Thoughts about three? Be honest. Am I being a hoarder? :)
Baby Makes 3

7 comments:

  1. we are having our second, a girl, and our older child is a boy--everyone says "oh you must be so happy to have a girl this time" its hard not to snap and say "actually i am happy we are having a healthy pregnancy and would take whatever gender god gave us" i just dont understand people...

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  2. i'm pregnant with my second child -- our first is a boy, the second is a girl -- and EVERYONE (even my dr.!) says "ok, so you're done now!? nope!
    i never imagined i'd have fewer than 3 kids, and my husband and i always talked about having 4. now my husband is a little more tentative. he wants to wait a while after baby #2, which i don't really want to do for the same reason you mentioned -- if we wait too long i'll be in geriatric pregnancy territory! just another part of the compromise and conversation that comes with marriage.

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  3. I don't think it's hoarding at all. I have three kiddos. Abigail 7, Austin 5, and Jack is 19 months and it isn't easy, but parenting is never easy. I sometimes look at Abigail and Austin and think about how easy it would have been if we had stopped there, but then my little dirty faced, smiling, goofy Jack-Jack walks into the room and I'm so glad we didn't stop.

    Three kids is not for everyone, but it was perfect for us. People thought we were crazy for having a third when we already had one boy and one girl, but what others think isn't important.

    Do I feel like pulling my hair out sometimes? Yes!

    Do I feel like there isn't enough mommy to go around sometimes? Yep!

    Are my kids loved and happy and taken care of? Yes, ma'am and that's all I'm worried about!

    I think the best thing to do when deciding whether or not to add to your family is just pray about. You and your husband, just pray, because God already knows how many kids you will have and He knows their names and their faces, and personalities. He will guide you to make the decision that is right for your family!

    Good luck and God Bless!!

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    Replies
    1. Good advice, Jenna!

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  4. i am totally agree with Jena, that a great photo i ever seen, i think i will try to get new child after see your great photos , i have 4 child now :) ...

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  5. My husband and I said we didn't want any kids. Then we just wanted one. Then we had twins, and we couldn't be happier, but and we were sure we were done. We donated a ton of stuff from the newborn stage. Then we realized that we could swing paying for a bigger car. We could make our small house work for a family of five. But we're both still a tiny bit on the fence. So we stopped using birth control a few months back, and we're letting fate take over. If another comes along, we will be thrilled. And if a third baby never happens, we are really happy with our family of four. The best part is that, even though our minds have changed time and again, we've always managed to be on the same page. I'm incredibly grateful.

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  6. Thanks so much for your feedback, ladies! And thank you, Elizabeth, for allowing me to share on your blog. Looking forward to your return!

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Your comments are what makes this thing fun! I LOVE to hear from you and do my best to respond to everyone! THANK YOU!


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