Last week, Emily Ley (a totally inspiring blogger that I've recently started following) posted "You Have 5 Minutes" where she asked How are you? No, really, how are you? Then, she went on to give a list of ideas of things you can do in just five minutes to "kick that overwhelmed feeling out the door." I need to take her advice more often and not spend my "free" time on things like Facebook, Pinterest, or (literally) walking in circles. Anyone else guilty of that?
Anyway, she got me thinking about how so often I don't blog because I don't feel like I have the time to sit down and really write. But - from the feedback and comments I received on my little survey - it seems you guys really don't care about formality here. You like the normal. (Thanks for that, by the way, 'cause I'm not very good at formal.) So, I thought I might practice a new little exercise today... I'm setting an alarm on my phone for exactly FIVE minutes. For those 300 seconds, I'm going to type my little heart out with whatever comes to mind. And, then, when time is up... I'm going to press 'Publish.' We'll call it The 5 Minute Update. In the comments, I'd love to hear how you are doing too. Seriously, how are you?
If all goes well, maybe I'll do these once in a while to catch you up on the day in and day out around here. We'll see.
For the most part, my life is good right now. It is simple, which is a good place for me I think. Sam is still at such a fun stage (although, I admit, I'm seeing a little of the two-year-old defiance creeping in), and every night when I tuck him into bed I smile in the hope that we must be doing something right with him. My job is good too. I mean, who can really complain after a week like last where I taught for only TWO days, and one of which was delayed? And, I've really made some improvements in my health over the course of the last 27 days that make me feel pretty proud. I'm still going strong on my 'no Diet Coke' rule, and exercise and healthy eating is beginning to come a little more naturally for me. I can't complain about my life. I'm lucky. I'm blessed. I'm happy, even.
BUT, I still go through most days with a weight on my chest. I wake up thinking about how many things I didn't do the day before, and how will I ever catch up? I worry that I'm not "disciplined enough" or "motivated enough" to be the kind of parent I want to be, to ever lose the weight and establish the kind-of healthy lifestyle I want to have, to be the teacher I used to be before I had Sam and could spend hours and hours planning just one 45 minute lesson. I KNOW I can't do it all, but I find myself still pinned a little underneath the guilt of that admission.
*P.S. A lot of you mentioned in the survey that you'd like to see more photos from my 'real life' here. I'm going to work on that; but, in the meantime, make sure you are following my Instagram (@emyselfandi) if you aren't already. I'm not great at carrying a camera, but I always have my phone.