Wednesday, February 19, 2014

The Bachelor: Welcome to Miami

I was going to start my "Before We Were Mommy & Daddy" posts today; but, I have a few thoughts on this week's episode of The Bachelor that I simply must share before I can move on with my life... 

Week 6: Juan Pablo takes the girls to his hometown of Miami, Sharleen leaves, Nikki and Clare shoot daggers through each others' eyes, and the most sensible one of them all gets sent home.  #inanutshell

Now, let's break it down...

The episode begins with some obligatory footage of Juan Pablo getting to see Camilla again.  This is sweet, don't get me wrong - I love a girl and her daddy, but I think the "single parent" story line is becoming kind-of overused... I'm at least ready for someone to have a teenage daughter that puts the girls through the ringer or something.

Next up, Sharleen receives the first date card and acts very confused and awkward about the whole thing... I, also, was very confused by 1. the fact that she acted like she was totally caught off guard and not at all prepared to go out; but, her make-up was perfect and her hair was already done, and 2. was Juan Pablo wearing fushia jorts on the date?!

In the end, their date consisted of nothing but making out, and Sharleen telling the cameras that she was missing a "cerebral connection" with him.  At one point, she also told Juan Pablo that she wished "she was dumber," which might be my favorite Bachelor statement of all times.  That should have been his 23490nd clue that this girl is way out of his league.

I have to be honest, I've been pretty much hating on Sharleen the whole season so far.  I still really don't understand what made her come on a show like this in the first place - my guess is that it's not a big spot for opera-singer scouts - and I think she could have at least acted like she wasn't so much better than everyone else all the time.  BUT, she started to win me over in this episode...

You're right Sharleen - amazing chemistry with a guy is something special.  Not being able to stop yourself from making out with him is great; but, also, it is kind-of a red flag when you literally cannot have a conversation.  I think she genuinely wanted to talk to Juan Pablo, but he just whispered and coo-ed and went in for another kiss.  I'm kind-of with her lately - J.P. is NOT the sharpest tool in the kit.  In fact, come to think of it, the closest I've ever seen to him having a real conversation with anyone mostly just involves him saying "look at me" a lot.  

Anyway, Sharleen ultimately decides to leave the show on her own accord and any doubt we might have had about Juan Pablo's intelligence is completely solidified by his profound statement after her departure: "I would rather be appreciated and be honest than be appreciated and not be honest."

Hmm. Bless his heart. (He didn't even really seem upset either, you know?)

In the end, I was actually kind-of sad to see Sharleen go.  I think, other than not being all that nice, she was a good example of a strong woman and not "settling" for someone that makes you feel good temporarily.  That, and the fact that she was one of the very best dressed I've ever seen on the show.  I LOVE her style (and I really really wish she had left one of her suitcases for poor Nikki or Renee to borrow for the reminder of the season).  *P.S. I'm still not completely convinced that she won't be back next week... We'll see.

Nikki gets the next one on one and - frankly - I thought the date was completely lame.  #Imsorry

For starters, why didn't he just tell her what they were doing at the beginning of the date instead of building it up like it was some kind of incredible once-in-a-lifetime adventure?  I mean, yes, I think it says a lot about the way he feels about her (although I'm not totally convinced that he has ANY say in who goes on what dates), but it really just seemed more like a concert-performer fell through and the producers had to go with plan B.  Am I right?  Also, was it just me, or was that totally NOT a dance recital?!?  That was - daddy's on The Bachelor and we need to figure out a way to get the baby-mama casually worked in to a scene, so lets pull in some bleachers and some extras and call it a show.  Oh silly producers, we're on to you.

Now, on to the more important part of the date... Nikki's outfit. Nothing says "I'm ready to be a mom" like wearing almost non-existent jean cut-off shorts and a silk robe. Uggggg.

Seriously, this is why one should ALWAYS dress sensibly, because you never know when you might be called to duty at a dance recital.  Poor girl.

But really, I felt a little sorry for her and told myself that surely she begged Juan Pablo to take her home and let her change once she found out what they were doing (but the producers cut that part, obviously) UNTIL... I saw her outfit choice for that evening.  Oh geez. #therearenowords

(As a side note, how beautiful and classy did Carla - Camilla's mom - seem? Oh how I wish there was confessional footage of her!!)

How one can go from being attracted to someone like Sharleen one night and Nikki the next (can we say opposites?!?) is beyond me; but, Juan Pablo is falling in love left and right and thoroughly enjoying the ride...

Later, on the group date, which I - for the life of me - cannot remember a thing about - Clare reveals a little more about herself (being the youngest of SIX girls totally explains some things to me) including telling Juan Pablo about her father's death and the video he left for her future husband.    Juan Pablo's heartfelt response: "Can I have a [little kiss]?" Let's give him the benefit of the doubt and call it a language barrier, k?

In the end, Andi gets the only rose of the dates and looks ROCKING for their one-on-one time later on.  I kind of think she's a cuter/more fun version of Sharleen now - obviously too smart and sophisticated for Juan Pablo - but I think they look AMAZING together.  She's still my top choice, but I don't think they'd last if she does win.

Back at the mansion - where the girls have absolutely NOTHING to do but pick at each other - drama is heating up between Clare and Nikki.  Their fight over whose room it was came straight out of my 15 year old students' playbook.  I loved it.  They are both morons.

And finally, at the rose ceremony, poor Chelsie got sent home.  I knew it was a toss-up between she and Renee, and I would have been sad to see either of them go.  Chelsie was cute and sweet (with just enough sass); but, she just didn't cause enough drama.  Sorry girl.  Adios!

Now, next week it's FINALLY hometown dates and, I for one, am PUMPED.  This is, by far, my favorite episode of the season and, from the teasers this week, I think this one is going to exceptionally good.  #whatintheworldhappensiwithAndi?!?! 

It's also time for us to be narrowing down our picks for next season's Bachelorette... What do you think? I'd say Andi has a good chance if she doesn't win - Clare and Nikki aren't well-liked enough, and Renee is way too vanilla.  (Come to think of it, that fact alone tells me Andi is NOT going to win... She has to be the next Bachelorette.)  We'll see.

What did you think this week?  Are you on a Team Clare or Team Nikki? Do you think Clare has had Botox?


  1. Man, with Sharleen gone, there's no hope left for this season. I love Andi, would like to be BFF with her, but think that she's way too smart for JP and I also just can't SEE her being the Bachelorette for some reason. Clare and Nikki are dumb and can get off my TV. I don't want to see either of them be The Bachelorette. I love Renee but she's too classy and smart to be the Bachelorette, plus I can't handle back-to-back seasons of Single Parent Leads. I'm over that. And you're right-- JP just seems incapable of carrying on a conversation. I feel like I know NOTHING about him except that he loves Cameeeela and making out with girls. All he does is kiss, touch faces, and say 'look at me.' Yawn. I'm over this season and don't know if there are any potential Bachelorettes that can compel me to watch whatever's next. So sad.

  2. I wouldn't be shocked if Sharleen was the next Bachelorette! I have liked her from the beginning! I love how she is level-headed and hasn't been "in-love" with the bachelor since she got out of the limo. She has some sense about her. Now, she has had some weird moments, but I just was drawn to her because she is not the "normal" contestant on The Bachelor.

  3. I don't know why, but I have liked Nikki from the beginning. I feel like they have tried to villianize her on the show more and more when she seems to be saying things that most of us would be thinking. I cannot stand Clare and agree with your assessment of Renee...too vanilla. Finally some drama this week though! And how love you comments about Nikki's outfit. I was totally thinking the same I have way too many strong opinions about this.

  4. You are HILARIOUS. Loved reading this. And yes, Clare has had Botox #fosho


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