Saturday, April 10, 2010

The Many Faces of the Dance Floor

My husband LOVES to dance.  Seriously.  His parents claim that he put on shows for them to Michael Jackson all the time when he was little. He doesn't really like for me to dance with him - or anyone for that matter - because it "cramps his style."  So, over the last nine years, I've learned to be pretty content watching from a side-table at a "club" (I mean, this is Roanoke we're talking about) with a diet coke in hand... In fact, I kind-of LOVE all the ridiculous characters I get to stalk watch from my perch. :)

So, this morning as I replay our first "return to the dance floor" in several cold months,  I thought I'd introduce you to a few of my favorite "regularly appearing characters" from the night.  Hope you enjoy!

1.) The Trained Professional - Male or Female, these individuals dance in their own realm of existence.  Yes, you are surrounded by hundreds of other clubbers, but YOU have somehow found a way to focus ONLY on the music and your strategically designed moves.  You stare straight ahead with a look of serious determination. Photos are permitted, but only if they do not interfere with the choreography occuring on the floor. You have perfected one or two "signature moves," but are not afraid to try something out-of-the-box for the sake of THE DANCE. You do NOT have a drink in hand --- true dancing requires the complete and un-restricted use of ALL body parts.    And, absolutely under NO circumstances, will you be interrupted by ANY fellow dancers, cute girls/guys included, STAY AWAY this is BUSINESS. 

2.) The Inevitable Creeper (or 10) - Mostly male and often wearing a too-tight v-neck, these are the most easily identifiable and plentiful character in the club.  Confident, yet creepy, you have ventured onto the dance floor 100% ALONE.  You ALWAYS hold a drink and are not afraid to let a little drip onto the front of your strategically unbuttoned shirt. While you occassionally develop a rare twitch - often mistaken for a rhythmic head nod - you are mostly STILL.  The EYES are the most important part of your game - constantly scanning the floor while still, somehow, managing to zoom in on one or two unsuspecting dancers.  IF one of these said dancers accidently make eye-contact with you, she can be confident that you will take .5 seconds to grab her from behind and attempt a "grinding" motion.  This "move" is 99% INEFFECTIVE.  At the end of the night, you are the drunkest and the brokest, but you have done the LEAST dancing in the club.  This is NOT a desirable role.

3.) The "Up" Dancer - Primarily male, although I sometimes find myself in this position, these are the "dates" of actual quality dancers (see #1).  You feel PROUD that you are with such a great dancer and, mostly, completely unaware of your own disabilities. With honest effort, you ATTEMPT to keep up with your date by swaying on the dance floor.  Occassionally, you whip out some unexpected burst of energetic jirating.  This is typically met by a hand-grab or hug which is, in truth, just a way to contain and stop your wild movements.  DO NOT BE MISTAKEN and think this is any reflection of your "hotness" at that moment.  As your mature in your relationship and self-awareness, you will find that the BEST place for you is off to the sidelines smiling and winking at your date and knowing she's "going home with you."  However, PLEASE be careful to avoid any of the characteristics of #2 at all times!!

4.) The Posse - Always female and primarly in groups of four or more, these girls are dressed in their best "going out" tops and dangly earrings but ONLY to "just dance" and be with each other.  You have a confidence that allows you to push EVERYONE else off the dance floor for your own personal dancing-circle or photo shoot.  You sing loudly and LOVE to request songs of the DJ.  Your favorites include: The Cha Cha Slide, Girls Just Wanna Have Fun, and anything by Beyonce or Justin Bieber.  Occassionally, you have even made up a DANCE ROUTINE for such a song to be performed and admired by ALL club-goers.  You RULE the floor. You will dance as wildly and dirtly (made up word) as you desire, but only in the safety of your own huddle. ANY innocent man who tries to venture in will be immediately removed by the group. (You can thank ole #2 for that.) In my humble opinion, this is both the most FUN and most ANNOYING group on the floor... I know from personal experience. :)

It's Saturday.... So, if you're going out tonight keep an eye out for these folks.  I assure you, they WILL be there!!

Oh, and if you like this style post, check out my GYM VERSION here.  Haha!


  1. I LOVE this! I am most def part of the annoying posse. Dangle earrings and all! You hit it right on the head. Thanks for the laugh, Bethany. :)

  2. Hahahaha!!! While reading it, I found myself putting faces from last night with each category...although, does our Ireland friend fall under expert or creeper?????


  3. Im also part of the annoying possee and i love it :) this post is spot on (take it from someone who has undertook a three night clubbing bender this week :) )!!!

  4. so which is jeff?

  5. Well I hate that I missed the dance party where you came back from your hiatus. I will point out that "our boys" prefer the posse just as much as girl groups.

    You also left out "the large circle" where everyone gathers around to cheer on the lone dancer in the middle. It is always fun to see the reaction of the non-circle dancers in the club.

  6. You definitely hit the nail on the head!! I am definitely a part of the The Posse on a regular basis :)

  7. So true! The Posse tends to shift from fun to annoying as the night goes on and the drinks keep flowing. Funny how that happens. :-)


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