Friday, February 15, 2013

Guest Post: 10 Lies About Babies

Well ladies, this will kick off my series of guest posts while I'm on my little blog break.  Today, you get to hear from  a momma after my own heart... In her witty and authentic style, Bridget isn't afraid to laugh at herself as she navigates the new road of motherhood.  I love this, and I know you will too!

Why I'm Breaking

Lies I Was Told About Babies

10. Even with fifteen kids, it's possible to retain your sense of self - False.  My entire existence can be summed up by just one screaming three month old.

9. A baby is simply a happy addition to the family - See Lie #10.  A baby thinks it is the center of the universe; YOU are a happy and necessary addition to your baby's life.

8. Being a stay at home mom is easier than going back to work - If I had a job (other than mommy hood), I'd have an excuse for not getting the dishes done or being too tired to walk the dog.  As a stay-at-home-mom your job doesn't end at five o'clock. There are no scheduled coffee breaks, only the sacred "nap time" where you feel guilty sitting and watching Real Housewives of Beverly Hills when there's a mountain of laundry whispering (ok, screaming) your name.

7. You can get plenty of sleep, just nap when the baby does - I've heard of this mythical nap time where your infant goes for two hours and all is quiet.  Not only does my child fight sleep with a vengeance, but even when she does finally pass out from exhaustion, there's work to be done - laundry to be cleaned, hair to be washed, or more realistically... mommy needs a minute.  Those precious moments when the house is filled only with soft snored are like gold in my home.

6. Sleeping babies are so adorable you will find yourself sitting and staring at them for hours! - Yes, you will. But not because of how beautiful they look (of course they do).  You're checking to make sure she's breathing.  With SIDS being a hot topic these days, I find myself obsessively checking on my adorable sleeping baby to make sure her blanket isn't near her face, that she hasn't rolled on to her tummy, that she's breathing, that she can be woken up and hasn't fallen in to a coma, that he face hasn't turned down into the mattress... so much for doing the dishes.

5. You'll be so in love you won't be able to put her down - If my daughter had her way, I would never let her out of my arms.  What no one tells you is that the screaming back aches and the necessity of two hands will you begging someone else to hold her... just for a minute.

4. Family and friends will be there to help. -  As wonderful as they are for trying, most help becomes a hindrance.  Between trying to be a good hostess, the constant parenting advice, and the fact that the baby usually just wants its mama, you'll often have too many cooks in the kitchen.

3. Everyone loves babies! - My bank didn't seem too enthused about her when she cried for the entire hour we were there.  Nor did the other patrons at the restaurant when she screamed during dinner.  People love quiet babies.

2. Breastfeeding is so much easier than buying formula and making bottles.  - Suddenly, my biggest enemy has become my breasts.  God Milk?  That slogan will haunt you! Am I producing enough? Do I need to "pump and dump" after that glass of wine?  Wasting that much precious breast milk almost makes you want to say no alcohol all together... almost.  And now matter how much milk you have, your baby will always want more. She grows and grows every day.  I love the health benefits and saving money, but what I wouldn't give for a keg of breast milk in the kitchen and a bottle to put it in.

1. Babies smell like rainbows. - They don't.  They smell like poop... and feet... and sour milk.  Sure, toss them in the bath and lather them up with lotion and they smell like heaven.  Give it ten minutes.  They fart, they drool, the slobber milk down their pretty little faces and hide it deep in the wrinkles of their neck.

Babies Smell Like Rainbows


  1. Bridget, you are SO RIGHT! Numbers 3, 4 and 8, especially. I remember being pregnant with twins. Everybody I knew told me about all the help they would be for us. Then the reality of caring for a pair of screaming babies actually set in. We either had no help, or we had a troop of people who would come over and hold the babies, until they pooped, spit up, or needed to be fed. Then it was all me and my husband. Nobody in our life wanted to deal with any of the mess that comes with babies!

  2. Maybe spellcheck before you guest post?

  3. Sandra: Twins!! I bet you have your hands full!!! They sure are pretty though!

  4. Haha if I had time to spell check I would also have the dishes done...
    Noted for next time. I'm just happy you read it. :)

  5. I'd also like to say thank you to Elizabeth for allowing me the opportunity to add a little taste of my life to her incredible blog! Keep writing, I'll keep reading.

  6. And my desire to have children has just gone running out the door. Kidding.

    Great post. Finally someone who doesn't sugar-coat parenting. I want to know EXACTLY what to expect.

    1. That's exactly how I felt! Keep reading, I'm going to spill it all :)

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  8. really, working moms' jobs end at 5 p.m.?? maybe our day job but trust me we come home to dishes and laundry, too :)

    1. I'm certainly not downplaying how hard it must be to tackle two full time jobs! I give you major kudos for juggling both the baby and the adult world. Personally, I'd just feel a little less guilty about not getting everything done. Like, maybe I'd be a little easier on myself because there's not enough time in the day if I'm at work. Right now there's no excuse but how exhausting it can be. Keep up the good work lady and give yourself a break. You deserve it!

  9. I have found that no other diapers provide the quality of leak control and absortion that pampers do. I wouldn't trade brands for anything.


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