Friday, November 20, 2009

Installing a Husband

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as: NASCAR 5.0, NFL 3.0 and BASEBALL 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?



First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2. Also, do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the jewelry and flowers applications.

However, remember that overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. *Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck !
Tech Support

DISCLAIMER: (Because my friend JOE RICHMOND told me I've been too hard on Jeff lately.) I did not write this, my friend Steph sent it via e-mail forward this morning. My husband is wonderful. He has only gotten more wonderful since we got married. He DOES play a lot of video games, IS balding, and tends to stifle my shopping abilities; however, he is excellent with a vacuum, takes really good care of me, AND makes my life so much more fun! I like Husband 1.0 a lot more than Boyfriend 5.0. **P.S. I also really love my Mother-in-Law!

Happy Friday!


  1. Hahaha, hilarious. You should have totally passed that along as your own creative writing :) Maybe Jeff can teach Davey how to use a vacuum, because I have had zero luck.

  2. I am having a hard time figuring out why the "IS balding" was listed as a bad feature...

  3. That is THE funniest thing ever.

  4. Hey! How did you get your font for the header to look like that-I only can choose from like five choices!


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