Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Juan Pablo Kisses His Way Through New Zealand

You know what is really amazing about the Bachelor - I mean, besides Juan Pablo's hair? The weather.   Did anyone else realize that Andi and Juan Pablo's date consisted of bathing suits and waterfalls AND scarves, winter coats, and visible breath.  Same thing on the group date - rolling around in water-filled balls wearing bikinis by day, coats and blankets by night. #mysteriesofthebachelor 

Anyway, now that that is out of the way, here's a quick recap of last night's episode:

Juan Pablo & Andi go on a lovely one-on-one date where they slither between rocks in (no doubt) snake-infested waters to get to a beautiful clearing where they can stand under a waterfall and make-out. (Speaking of rocks, Andi totally rocks the one-piece bathing suit. Right?) Then, they bundle up for a romantic little dinner (of hardly any food) but get rudely interrupted by a geyser spraying them with cold mist.  (Didn't the producers speak to that geyser before taping? #rude)

In short, their time together went something like this --- 

Kiss, kiss, kiss, "I'm cold," kiss, kiss, kiss, "that geyser is so rude," kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, "I can't wait to have kids," kiss, kiss, kiss "will you aksept this rose?" kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss.

Basically, they have a lot of the same goals for their lives and have a strong spiritual connection. ;)

*I still like Andi (remember, she was one of my top picks originally), and I think she's both beautiful and cute at the same time which ranks up there with being the Assistant District Attorney in terms of difficulty and impressiveness; but, I don't think she's the one.  He basically only wants to make out with her - which is all fun and games until they get home to Camilla and jobs and all that other totally boring stuff that will interrupt this vacation way worse than any old geyser did.

Next, it's group date time.  I thought this date started out just lovely - does it get more beautiful than the New Zealand countryside? - and turned pretty weird.  Rolling down a mountain in giant hamster wheels is one thing (I actually thought it looked pretty good), but kudos to the random production person who must have had the great idea to ADD WATER to the balls so that everyone would have to be half-naked while they did it.  #thoseproducersthinkofeverything

Later, the girls got to enjoy more time with Juan Pablo over "dinner," this time in Hobbit-ville from the movie Lord of the Rings.  This was actually pretty cool, except I just couldn't stop thinking about how devastated the die-hard Rings fans must have been seeing their holy-land disrespected like that.  I'm guessing quite a bit of disinfecting and sanctifying had to take place there once filming wrapped up.  Don't you think?

Juan Pablo kissed Renee during their time together (thank goodness), and I was happy to see that he really does seem to like and respect her -which I can't say about a lot of the other girls.  Unfortunately, he went on to then kiss Nikki and Sharleen also (ON THE SAME DATE), so that kind-of cancelled things out a bit.  *To be honest, I really like Renee; BUT, I think she's too good for J.P.  He's the kind who likes to talk about respect and role models and mothers; but, mostly, just likes to make-out.  She can do better than him.

Then, at the end of the date, Juan Pablo wished Cassandra a happy 22nd (22?!?! Is it even legal for her to be on this show?!?!) birthday by sending her home.  You gotta give it to him for not wasting any time once he knew she wasn't the one, but I still felt for the poor girl.  Oh well, I feel confident there will be PLENTY of eligible bachelors lining up to meet her back home. (Plus, she's pretty much guaranteed to get on the next season of Bachelor Pad or whatever, to "win money to support my son's future" right?)

*Nikki has made a swift turn for trashy-ville, and I don't like it.  She had me in the beginning because of her passion for her job as a pediatric nurse and her "bubbly" personality.  Lately - based on some of her outfit/language/hair color choices,  I think I'd be looking for another practice for my kids.  (#Iprefermynursestobegrandmas). Sorry girl!  Plus, one of the tabloids said she calls the other girls FAT!  On no you didn't!

*I've actually really come to like Chelsie, but I don't see much of a future for her.  She's adorable and seems confident and secure (ahem, Clare) without coming across as too obsessed with herself (Kat), which are good qualities in my book.  I hope things shift for her.

*Sharleen.  UGH. Go home already.  The truth is, I don't hate her; I just really wonder what made someone as "sophisticated" as her think coming on television to date a guy with 15 other girls was a good idea.  Let's not drag this out, go home.  Honestly, I don't think Juan Pablo will be all that upset, and we can all stop holding our breath in suspense (#notreally).  P.S. Whatever you did to your hair that night at the Hobbit-house... I wouldn't do it again if I were you.

Next, we're on to Clare's one-on-one.  Oh Clare.  She's totally beautiful - albeit kind-of in a your face and hair never move kind-of way - but a dra-ma queenBy this point, I was bored of the show and TOTALLY bored of the "we snuck out and went too far in the ocean at 4:30AM last week" story line.  Clare still felt sad (which I understood - J.P. handled the situation TOTALLY wrong.  #typical) and like she needed to "crawl back into her little turtle shell" but Juan Pablo eased her fears (I'm still not exactly sure what he did other than just look hot and speak in that accent to her) and they went on to have a lovely date that involved gigantic black sweatpants, a very tight fitting wife-beater (of course), and a rose.

To be fair, I appreciated that J.P. and Clare's date was normal - even down to the hideous couch and poorly decorated room they were in - but it still felt forced to me.  Isn't there a happy medium somewhere between hobbits and harem pants?!?!

Finally, the rose ceremony.  Honestly, this was not too eventful to me.  I thought J.P. seemed sincere when he told Chelsie not to worry and that it was obvious that Kat pulled out the final stop when she, totally randomly it seemed, told a sad story about her father during her one-on-one time.  I honestly thought Kat would have made it further, but I wasn't sad to see her go.  This feeling was only confirmed by her statement that she's "always been told how great she is" in the limo ride home.  #byebyebirdie Regardless, with those boobs that personality she'll be all over the Bachelor circuit before we know it. 

So, that wraps things up for this week.  Did you watch?  Who would you say are the frontrunners now?  *I'm rooting for Renee or Chelsie, but I honestly think Clare, Nikki, or even Sharleen will win. Also, it's worth noting that Juan Pablo is moving up the sleaze-scale each week in my book, therefore, vastly decreasing my amount of investment in his future. #sorryJP

P.S. Don't forget to get your confessions ready for tomorrow, and enter the Valentine's give away here before Friday!


  1. OK I agree-- the weather in NZ was craaaazy!!! And the bathing suits for the hamster ball thing was completely unnecessary and gratuitous. They must have been freezing! But other than that I think the hamster ball thing would be super fun. At least the girls all seemed to be ENJOYING the date and it wasn't just a bunch of drama. Like you, though, I'm getting tired of JP. He doesn't really seem to talk (with the girls or the camera) about anything other than how they're all really gorgeous. I don't really see any connections other than physical. I think Renee is awesome and would probably be the best match for him, but...I just don't know. I love Sharleen still but she is way too level-headed for all this. Go get yourself a fellow intellectual, mature man, honey.

  2. I have a hard time watching a whole episode because I am so over JP...

  3. Welcome to Trash-ville, population: Nikki. I feel like she's always been in Trash-ville, ever since she asked JP to listen to her heart by practically making him cup her boob.

    I really like Sharleen. She seems so unlikely BUT she reminds me of Tessa from Season 10 (remember her...http://www.kidzworld.com/article/18615-the-bachelor-where-are-they-now)
    I didn't think she was a good fit, but I feel like he was drawn to her (and JP is drawn to Sharleen) because she's so NOT what the rest of the girls are. She isn't a Barbie doll, perfect clothes, bootie shorts, etc.
    She's well-spoken, intelligent, etc. I actually think that's the one thing that can set you apart in this race. A nice rack and tush? That's been done.

  4. Chelsie is too secure for him to choose--she's my favorite, but she's too classy/sure of herself/true to herself to be picked. He doesn't strike me as a guy who is looking for a challenge when it comes to relationships. He will choose Nikki. Why? He can claim that she's the perfect match because her job proves that she "loves kids" and, therefore, will be a "great mom." However, what he really means is that she is hot and that he likes to make-out with her. They won't last, but he will pick her. Does anyone really believe this guy is looking to settle down?

  5. I love your wrap ups of the show. You are right on target with these ladies! Mmmmmk, so this is my first season watching the Bachelor (I've been living under a rock) so I wasn't sure if making out with every girl was the norm I thought it was a bit much and so glad to read that it's sleazy. I want to like Clare and I did at first but now she is irritating same with Nikki. Sharlene needs to go home and up until last night (when I finally watched) sadly I could not remember Chelsie's name. I like Renee but agree with you. Until next week.


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